The True Power of Vulnerability
October 14, 2009
Telling stories raw and real requires an open and vulnerable heart. That is not an easy thing especially in a culture that tells us we must be strong and where vulnerability is often seen more as a weakness than as a strength.
Years ago when I was doing Heartwork training in business settings. The men would almost always say to me, “I can’t use my more tender feelings because then I’ll lose my edge.” What they meant was that they believed that if they accessed any of the ‘softer’ feelings of the heart, than they would lose their masculine strength.
I was reminded of this the other day when I was having a very frustrating conversation with my colleague Jim. He is a great guy in every way but as he says himself, sometimes he’s thinking from ‘his man place’ and I feel like he can’t hear what I’m saying at all.
I was trying to tell him that telling these stories raw and real is very difficult. Even though I have been doing it for years, I am currently diving into stories that are harder to tell and I’m finding myself very challenged. I want to run away and hide in a cave rather than tell these more vulnerable stories! 
Jim was not getting my point. He kept trying to tell me that everyone loves hearing these kinds of stories. I assured him that they do not. He said that people love to hear how you’ve overcome a challenge. I agree. But what if you haven’t overcome the challenge? What if you never overcome it?
Let me give you the example of a client of mine whom I love. I have worked with her for many years through the ups and downs of her life. She has two wonderful children, one of whom has had a serious medical problem since birth.
Recently she was giving a talk at a conference and she was nervous about telling her stories. Her stories are very raw, real and personal to her. They are stories in which she she has struggled but not necessarily overcome. One of the biggest differences between stories of true vulnerability is that we don’t necessarily come out looking like a hero or heroine. This is what I realized after my conversation with Jim.
It is one thing to tell those stories in which we look big and strong. In our heroic culture, we are completely revered for that. But how about the stories in which we feel pitiful, small and woefully human? Are we able to tell these stories unadorned and still stand up tall?
Are we able to tell stories in which we don’t have all the answers, don’t have it all figured out and don’t have the solution? What about the tragedies that make absolutely no sense to us? Must we gussy up these stories just so they are fit to tell?
I encouraged my client to tell her stories raw and real and to put her focus on making a connection with the audience, rather than looking good. She liked that idea. She is a very genuine and loving person and she wanted to connect with people. It also took the pressure off of her to perform. She realized that she could just tell the stories from her own real human heart.
She came back today and reported great success. People really connected to her stories and she felt natural and comfortable telling them. “Annie,” she said, “I realize that I just need to keep opening up and sharing vulnerably.” That’s the key.
Our stories are our stories. The are precious, raw and real, just like our own human hearts.
And by the way, the men that I trained in Heartwork, always got a dose of the science of the heart. What they learned is that there is a whole body of scientific evidence that shows that the power of strength in the human body is generated from the qualities of love and care in the heart.
And my buddy Jim? He’ll get what I’m saying. He always does. As a matter of fact, I hear the phone ringing right now, that’s probably him….
So today dare to tell your story unadorned and trust the power of vulnerability to create true strength and connection.
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