I’m Back! The Creative Journey
August 26, 2010
enjoy the creative journey
Ah it’s been a great few weeks off from blogging. I love blogging don’t get me wrong, but I had the sense that I needed to take a rest from it all and allow myself to focus in new directions.
And I’ve been thoroughly enjoying myself!
Here’s what I’ve been up to:
- writing stories, almost every day in my groovy purple notebook – yay!
- working on my book which is finally coming together after many months, not ready to come out in public yet but the story idea is nearly clear – wonderful!
- I’ve been working with my business partner on my new website and brand. He is an expert in marketing and branding (thank God for that) and very soon the new, upscale me will be revealed - can’t wait!
I’ve learned a lot on my creative journey of these pasts few months. Here are some of the highlights:
- You can’t rush the journey – it takes it’s own time, it is a meandering path and it is subject to the whims of your muses. So just relax and enjoy the journey.
- It has a life of it’s own - you are not in charge, even though you think you are. The journey of life wants to take you somewhere and writing a book, or creating a project is just an excuse for the process of self-transformation.
- It’s meant to be enjoyable – ah yes that old stress demon takes over too much of the time. Life, creativity and creating things can be fun and enjoyable!
Well thanks for hanging in there with me during my hiatus. I have a lot of great new stories to share, a new blog coming and a whole new look.
Stay tuned and stay in touch!
Yours in story,
Annie
Don’t Worry, I’ll Be Back Soon!
August 20, 2010
Today I got a lovely email from a blog fan saying that he was worried about me since it was so quiet. While that was very sweet, you don’t have to worry! Quiet is good!!
wise women regenerate themselves!
I’ve been having a lot of nice restful time, regenerating myself and doing daily writing. Instead of my blog, I’m writing in a funky purple notebook that cost $1.87. It’s the kind you used to use in grade school.
I’m loving taking a break from all the busyness and regenerating myself at my next level. Good stuff happening and great things on the horizon. I’ll let you know what they are very soon.
In the meantime, DON’T WORRY!! I’m doing great. Wise women need to regenerate themselves from time to time :>)
What It’s Like To Do the Impossible
June 22, 2010
do the impossible
Recently I went on a 5 day book writing retreat and I finished my book in only 2 1/2 days. I had been working on this book for over a year so it was a great and enormous accomplishment to get it out and done.
In the process I got to experience again what it’s like to accomplish the impossible, and it’s an amazing experience.
I’ve done this a few times in my life – learning Italian, living in Italy, NLP Trainer’s training and the flying trapeze. These were all things that I never thought I could do, but I did.
overcoming
It is a wonderful and life-changing experience to do those things that you don’t believe you can do. It alters your view of reality and something opens up for you – like a whole new world of possibility.
I had been very stuck about writing this book because it’s very raw and real and personal to me. It’s a kind of humorous, touching and intimate “Eat, Pray, Love” story, written from my heart.
These are my very own stories told for the first time.
The method we used for writing was phenomenal. We were to write at a speed so fast, that you literally have no time to think about what you’re writing. I was so super-charged that I wrote at the rate of 4,000 words an hour.
How did I do that??
I wrote 54,000 words in 2 1/2 days – amazing. And to boot I was suffering from a massive allergy attack the entire time. I was sneezing and coughing so badly that I thought I wasn’t going to make it through. Ironically I’ve never had allergies before.
But I was not going to let this or anything else stop me. At one point, I was coughing so hard I could not stop but I just willed myself to overcome and kept writing. Cough or no cough, I was going to finish my book. And I did.
it's possible
After I was done, I laid my head down on the desk and just lay there for quite a few minutes until the retreat leader came over and claimed my book officially done.
Whew!
Now there’s some rewriting to do, then editing and into publishing. I’m going to have this done in a few short months.
It’s a wonderful feeling to have done the impossible. I plan to help everyone else do the impossible too. It can be done.
Think about what leap you want to make today. Which chasm in your life do you want to cross? What is waiting for you on the other side? Something good for sure.
You Can Be On Time, Just Get A Little Watch
June 17, 2010
it's 3 pm
Some months ago I got an email invitation to an event that read, “Please arrive at 3 pm so we can start on time with a 10 minute grace period for being human. ”
My first reaction was – WHAT??
Be on time but we leave a 10 minute grace period? Which one is it? Be on time or be late? Those two ideas are contradictory for me and often the way we run our lives. We’re less than clear.
Does the event begin at 3:00 or 3:10?
I talked to a girlfriend of mine and she agree. Here were her thoughts on the matter: “If it’s really 3 pm then expect people to be grown-ups and arrive early enough to begin at the communicated start time, and late comers will just have to walk in late and feel uncomfortable.
Maybe that will be the thing that has them plan their time better. The 10-minute grace period, plants 3:10 in people’s minds as the start time and ‘it’s okay if you’re late; we’ll wait a bit.’ I believe that this kind of communication as part of the structure just leads to lateness by the people who are going to be late anyway.”
I agree!
She went on to say: “I feel like my time is disrespected when a group leader doesn’t start until everyone is there. It penalizes the people who honor the time. You can tell this is a pet peeve of mine.”
Yep it’s one of my too!
This bothers me for two reasons – one because I value my time and two because I like clarity.
My girlfriend and I had a good chuckle over this and never ended up going to the event anyway! But it reminded me of another story years ago about time.
I was going downtown to meet a woman for an appointment at her house. Funny thing is now I don’t even remember now what her service was or what I was hiring her for. The story we played out was so compelling that I forgot all the other details!
She told me to arrive at 3 pm. I got there a little bit early, maybe 5 or 10 minutes. It was a neighborhood I was unfamiliar with and there was really nowhere to wait so I knocked on her door to let her know I had arrived.
She opened the door with a whoosh, practically shouted, “It’s NOT 3 o’clock yet,” and slammed the door back shut.
Ok then!
I sat down on the curb across the street and waited. A few minutes later someone left her house, so I waited another minute and then knocked again. She ushered me inside the way a strong broom sweeps the corners of the room free of dust.
She turned to me and for the first time I noticed this little spark plug of a woman’s face. I hadn’t even seen it before. It was all twisted up in a knot. She said strongly, “You need to show up on time. Not one minute before, nor one minute late.”
“How am I supposed to do that?, I asked stunned. “You need to get a little watch”, she shouted while jabbing at her wrist.
A little watch???
time running
I was dumbfounded. I didn’t wear a watch and no one had ever been this exact with time before. Suddenly something rose up in me. It was my inner rebel on high alert.
I turned to face Mrs Spark Plug and said firmly, “I don’t think so.” And I turned and marched out the door and never went back.
So the moral of this story is don’t be late but also don’t be early. Be on time but not too exactly. What is the moral of the story anyway?
Just don’t let time run you!
Hope you enjoyed the story.
Be A Failure Outloud
June 13, 2010
facing failure
I wrote a blog post about why I’m afraid to tell my stories but why I am going to do it anyway. So I wanted to explain why I’m willing to be a failure out-loud.
It’s not for the self- aggrandizement, that’s for sure! But being a failure outloud is one of the best things we can do for our soul.
If you are going to change the world, you need to change yourself, then let others follow by example.
That’s why I always strive to do the harder things in life, because I want more, not just for myself but for you too. I want more for all of us and hiding behind our false failures is a reality that none of us need. We all feel like a failure in some way or another.
get to the gold
But the reality is that none of us are. We are all perfectly imperfect, trying to carry out our spiritual task of shedding the crap that we were born with and becoming the luminous souls that we are meant to be.
This is the journey for each of us. Each of us carries a story inside that is about getting beyond the gunk to get to the gold. We are all hero’s and heroines in our own story. It is a HUGE task to do this work.
And some people don’t do it.
Look around and you will see complacent people everywhere. They are hiding inside their tiny lives of ‘I have enough just like this, don’t bother me for more.’
The problem is that’s not really true. We all need more and believe it or not, shucking the shell of your shame, embarrassment, discomfort and fear is the best thing you can do to live a bigger life.
eeek!
Think of a hermit crab – if he stays in the shell that is too small he will be stuck and unable to grow. He has one moment when he sheds his too-small-shell and runs at full speed for his new one.
But this moment it is sheer terror!!
He is stark naked, unprotected and could be easily assailed by any of the malevolent forces of the Universe. But he won’t be. He’s protected but he doesn’t know it.
He’s protected by the act of courage itself. Courage gives you force and energy, one you didn’t even know you had until you make a run for it towards your larger shell.
So that’s why I’m willing to live my discomfort out-loud, because I’m hoping you will too. I’m hoping that together we’ll make a train of little hermit crabs scuttling across the beach shouting, “I want a bigger life and I’m willing to be uncomfortable.”
Are you willing? Are you willing to shuck your shell and join me on this scary, intimidating, life-enhancing journey???
If you are, I’d love to hear from you. All hermit crabs in search of new life, line up here. I’ll make a run for it first, then all you have to do is follow. It’s really that easy.
Eeeeeekk! Here I go! You coming?
Life Is Messy
June 10, 2010
my perfect life
I notice how regularly I am gripping on to the perfect life. In my perfect life, I have time for everything and everything is in perfect balance.
Ha Ha! I can hear you laughing already.
There is no such thing as this perfect life and yet we all live as if there is. The irony is that living this way is such a source of stress because everything is always tipping out of balance and we are rushing around desperately trying to get it back.
What if we just let go? Life is messy for sure and realizing that helps me to breathe just a little bit better.
It’s not easy. I still have the vision of the perfect life lodged in my psyche and you probably do too. So here’s mine, a life where I always:
- eat the perfect foods
- get enough sleep
- am in tip-top physical shape with the perfect amount of exercise
- have a perfect social life
- have plenty of down time
- and on and on….
You get the idea that there is no such thing, and it’s such a stress to always believe that it should be some other way than how it really is.
This week since I’m traveling – my sleep schedule is off, my exercise routine has waned, my diet is out of whack and I’m stressed. So where is the perfect life in that?
That’s just it. This is my perfect life this week.
No it does not look like The Cleavers. Remember June and Ward Cleaver from Leave it to Beaver? Everything was always neat and tide, on time and perfect in their lives.
But if you think life is really that way, you’re gonna be a wreck when your real life shows up. I never cook in the kitchen without getting a few messy splotches of food on myself. June was always perfectly clean.
Not real! Real life is messy and that’s just that.
So when your real life shows up, you can either stress yourself out more trying to get back to the illusion of perfection, or you can just breathe and let go and tell yourself – Life is Messy!
That’s my mantra anyway. I’m relaxing into the imperfection of it all, knowing that it will all shift back into balance if I just don’t fight it.
Today tell yourself over and over – life is messy, life is messy, life is messy. But make sure to have a smile on your face when you do.
One last thing – I remember a time when I was rushing around trying to make a perfect dinner for my friends. I rushed to the grocery store and rushed home to put the groceries away. I took the eggs out of their container and put them in the little spot just made for eggs on the door of my fridge.
life is messy
But a few minutes later in my hurry to get the dinner started, I whipped open the fridge and guess what came flying out? Twelve golden eggs landed on my foot.
Absolute horror. I hate touching raw eggs. But then I saw the humor in it all.
Life is messy, life is messy, life is messy. That’s your mantra for the day. Enjoy it!
My Fabulous Fifties Fitness Challenge
May 30, 2010
groovy green pants
Oh no! After the third pair of pants that is too tight, I had to admit that I’ve gained some weight. Eeek!
This is the first time in my entire life, other than when I went to Italy for a summer, that I have ever gained weight. It came as quite a shock. Me who has been tiny and svelte all my life now has a (dare I say it?) – a little paunch.
Double eeek!
This is fine for other folks. Most people seem to have at least one paunch around their belt line, but it’s not ok for me. I am not a fitness fantatic, nor obsessive about my weight or my body, but I am heeding the call that my body is delivering to me.
What it is saying loud and clear is: Annie it’s time for your over fifties fitness challenge.
I could try to ignore it, but I don’t like that my three favorite pairs of pants don’t fit. At first I thought they had just shrunk, which they did, but on pair number three I suddenly realized the truth.
Pair number three is not cotton and thus they can’t shrink. As I tried to button the top button, I horrifyingly had to admit that something had changed and it is my waistline.
yummy green smoothie
The reason I was so immune to this fact is that I have a nearly perfect diet. For years I’ve had only fruit and green smoothies for breakfast, mostly salads and grains for lunch and veggies for dinner.
I have a way of eating that I’ve honed over many years and is both pleasing and works for my body. I’ve been naturally slim all of my life, but the reality is that over fifty something definitely changes in the inner metabolism bank.
Those little metaborators (the creatures that metabolize your food) just aren’t chewing up the calories like they used to be. I guess they’re tired and if I’m honest so am I. I’m not nearly as active as I used to be (sigh).
So here’s what I’m gonna do. I’m signing up for three entire months of fitness classes at the personal fitness studio nearby.
Thank God it is only 3 doors down from my house. I can imagine rolling of bed and getting my body pumping even when I don’t want to. And I’m pretty sure that, at least in the beginning, there will be many times when I don’t want to!
Let’s be realistic here.
Taking on a new fitness routine is no easy deal, especially for that old lizard brain who’s gotten himself comfortable in his routine. His idea of a good time is not pumping iron or having someone shout instructions at you while you’re sweating.
He likes the couch
Mr. Lizard likes to read, knit and sit on the couch. I’m going to have to wake him up and get him to the studio whether he likes it or not.
But that’s cool. I am prepared to hate it, want to give up, be embarrassed, want to slink out the back door or wish I had never signed up.
But I’m going for it anyway.
My sister who is a marathoner and supremely fit is gonna help me. She’s going to keep me going and get me jogging as well.
After the summer, I hope to be in a routine that will let this be my fabulous fitness for life. I’m up for the challenge. I want to grow and change and take myself to the next level.
I hate the idea of going downhill as we get older. I only want to get better. I’ve been lucky all these years, naturally thin and at ease with myself, I never had to diet or work out in an overly vigorous way. But now it’s time for the push.
That’s it Mr. Lizard time to get off the couch!
I’ll let you know how I do. If I end up slinking out the back or giving up entirely, I’ll just delete these blog posts and pretend I never started! Just kidding.
There’s no back door escape, only going forward.
The Real Gold of Life
May 24, 2010
the real gold of life
I used to think that my life as less than others but recently I’ve come to the awareness that I have the real gold of life.
How about you? Are there areas where you feel your life is lacking and you wish you had more?
Mine was but then I realized that it’s just because I was looking in the wrong direction. I was looking towards the material things that all of us are conditioned to accomplish – family, cars, children, wealth etc.
These are the markers that our culture gives us for success and accomplishment but in reality these markers are fairly meaningless. They can go away in the blink of an eye.
So what do you have that is eternal and lasting? Unchangeable by time and circumstance?
I have peace of mind, health, well-being and a strong sense of life purpose. The desire to share with others, make a difference and contribute to this world, fuel my days and sometimes even nights.
the real gold is enduring
These are the real gold of life – things that are not going to go away no matter what you do. Yes you can temporarily wreck your peace of mind and get stressed out, but if you live from a foundation of peacefulness, nothing can take it away from you.
The real gold in life endures.
This become clear to me when I talked to a friend I had known in college. We hadn’t spoken for nearly fifteen years and in that time he had been accumulating all of the above statuses that anyone would want.
He had a prestigious job traveling around the world, a big house, children, a beautiful wife and vacations in deluxe places. But was he happy?
I’m not sure.
When I spoke to him, he was frantically driving his children to somewhere or other. In fact it took us several weeks just to have our initial phone call because of his busyness. So if you ask me, this was the real story of his life – the frantic busyness and not all that he accumulated.
He told me the story of what he’d been doing and on one level it sounded wonderful. We’re all conditioned to believe in the dreams of what our symbols can mean to us.
But when I listened more closely I didn’t hear anything beyond those things. He had the acquired accumulations but not much more than that.
I didn’t hear happiness, fulfillment, meaning, contribution or peace of mind.
In fact when he asked about my life, I was temporarily dumbfounded as to what to say. I didn’t feel like would understand that the things things that have made my life rich and meaningful are ones that you can’t see.
what are you contributing?
So I didn’t share that I have changed peoples lives, contributed to a better world and worked on transforming myself from top to bottom.
These things don’t rank in the modern book of accomplishments.
So I simply said, “I don’t have any of that (what he has). What I have is peace of mind.”
There was stunned silence on the other end. He was completely floored. He’d never even thought about achieving those things. They were at the bottom of the list, or not on the list at all.
Peace of mind, happiness, contribution, meaning and fulfillment should be on the top. Everything else can disappear in a nanosecond.
He said, “Oh that’s something I don’t have.”
I already knew that. I already knew in the first five minutes that he was stressed, anxious and unhappy. He’d followed the trail of what we believe is the yellow brick road in life, but is really a dead-end trail.
the gold inside
The real gold in life is in the things we can’t see and will never be able to measure.
Today, check where your gold is – how much have you accumulated in peace of mind, happiness and making a better world?
It’s always there. You just have to look.
Tune in to my Radio Show show on this topic.
Why I AM Writing the Book That I Don’t Want to Write
May 16, 2010
Nope, it’s not what you think. It’s not for the usual reasons. I’m not trying to make more money, get more business or be on Oprah – although my blog fan Brian thinks I should!
I am writing the book that I don’t want to write because I must. Yep that’s right I have no choice. I have to do it.
What no choice you say?
Doesn’t that go against everything you believe about choice, free will and the use of language to create your reality Annie?
Not in this case.
The lack of choice is this – there are some things we want to do because they feel good to us, a natural step in our growth. But there are other things that we need to do but that are out of our comfort zone.
These things that don’t feel comfortable are often for a greater purpose than we know. We need to grow, not just for ourselves but for the evolution of humankind as well.
That’s why I’m writing this book.
When we do not grow according to this uncomfortable urging, we stay stuck and stuck is not what I want. I want to grow and I imagine you do too.
So why I am writing this book is because it’s a must-do urging of my soul, not a wanna-do urging from the easier side of life. I want to grow so I’m willing to leap through hurdles to do it.
And this has been a HU
GE hurdle! Like an elephant in my bedroom It’s been haunting at night. I have tried to ignore it but it won’t go away.
Imagine a tusk-bearing elephant trumpeting loudly in your ear while you try to sleep.
Not so easy right?
That’s how these stories have been speaking to me – LOUDLY. But loud is good. If it wasn’t loud I would keep trying to ignore it. You know those things that just won’t go away?
It’s an urging from the depths of the soul and I am heeding the call (hear bugle call here).
In June I’m going off to Arizona to write my book in only 8 days. Why waste time after something’s been haunting you for years right? Right.
Eight days and the baby will be birthed and I will be free of the torture. Just kidding, but it is torture in the sense that I have a muse who is haunting me. She has chosen me for this book and once they choose you, they won’t let you off the hook.
So who is this not-so-amusing muse that is haunting me? Well she’s a kind of Love Goddess. I know that sounds silly but I actually have a voice in my head who talks to me about the screwed up state of love on this planet and what she wants me to do about it.
Me who has considered myself a total failure in this regard! It’s kind of like flunking math – now you want me to teach it??
But according to her, that’s exactly why I have to write this book – because of my experiences that have seemed more like Chinese water torture than love, SHE feels that I have gained some wisdom.
Anyway, she feels that something is seriously screwed up down here on Planet Earth in the realm of love and relationships and she wants me to do something about it.
What an irony right?
Hardy, har, har. It’s a great cosmic joke (start laughing now).
Yes I am going o write a book about an area of life that I have totally failed in!
Or have I??
According to my Chief personal consultant who keeps me on track he says, “We all need experience to create wisdom. A great Captain learns on the seas of outrageous fortune – never from sitting all day in a small, safe harbor. You are meant to live large and prosper – to suck the marrow from your huge, wild experiences – then share the resulting wisdom.”
Beautiful!
And my niece Devon who was the catalyst for my getting started told me, “Annie you need to write these stories. We need them. We need your wisdom in this area so we know we’re not alone.”
So here I go folks, leaping off the edge of comfort and into the raw and real zone. I hope you’ll come along for the ride.
Your gifts don’t always come from what’s comfortable for you. Today, take a leap with me and find the zone that is beyond what feels easy, good or comfortable. Why? Because we want to change the world.
And if we get on Oprah then we’ll share together.
My Personal Chipmunk
May 3, 2010
When I was a little girl, I was lucky enough to have a menagerie of wild animals. One of them was my own pet chipmunk named Hobson.
baby chipmunk
Hobson came to us as a baby. He had been abandoned on the side of our driveway and a neighbor found him and brought him to my mother.
Everyone who knew my mother, knew that she had a knack for wild animals. She had raised everything from a quartet of crows to our own in-house groundhog. So a chipmunk was just another member of our family.
But Hobson was different. He had a very special place inside of our heart and also a very special nest inside of my mother’s apron pocket.
special nest
He used to like to curl up there and fall asleep while she went about her household chores. Hobson loved the apron pocket more than any other sleeping place.
He would curl up inside of there and enjoy the soothing sway of my mother’s apron as she went about her day.
stuffing nuts
Like most chipmunks Hobson liked to eat and boy could he! Chipmunks can enlarge their cheeks to hold about three times what you think could fit in their mouths. They are very funny that way, little hoarders who like to stuff all the goodies in first and then figure out how to digest them later.
My Dad liked to feed him peanuts and if we didn’t feed them to him, he was always willing to go and steal them himself!
Hobson was quite a little showman and liked to make his meal times a bit like the circus. He would run, grab a peanut, make sure we were watching him and then go get another one.
I think he was a bit of a ham.
Every good thing comes to an end and Hobson’s life had an unexpected ending. One day our family went out to dinner and when we came home, we couldn’t find him anywhere in the house.
not a place for swimming
My mother rushed to the bathroom and there sure enough was our little chipmunk who had tried to take a drink of water out of a ‘pond’ that had slippery sides.
Our poor little Hobson never made it out of the ‘pool’ alive and we were so very sad. We fished him out of his watery grave and gave him a proper burial in the woods from whence he came.
Even though we were terribly sad to lose him, I think Hobson went out with a splash (so to speak!). Ever the showman he did more of a Houdini dive then a jump to his death. I’m pretty sure that he was trying to impress us with his athletic feats, he just underestimated the depth of the pool.
But I’ll always remember our little chipmunk who traveled and slept in my mom’s apron pocket.
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