Complain Complain - Which Train for Your Brain?
March 16, 2010
Complain complain, which train for your brain? That’s a nice little rhyme to say - which way do you want your thinking to go? Today, tomorrow and always.
Lately I feel like I’ve been hearing a lot of complaining. Here are some of the recent complaints I’ve heard in random order with my comments included:
- “Oh I hate the snow and wish it was spring.“ Wait a minute, isn’t it supposed to snow in the winter or am I confused?
- “I hate technology and wish it would go away” - You can hate it but it ain’t going away. I used to hate it too but that doesn’t help. In fact if you notice carefully that ‘horrible technology is actually providing the very link for you to read this.
- A general life is so hard - Yes life today is really hard. I am in total agreement of that and yet we have untapped resources inside of us that can be generated in times. So what is our focus? Life is hard or I am resilient?
Now I’m not saying that these isn’t a lot of reason to complain. We live in particularly difficult times, but the point is this - what really changes by complaining about it?
You already know the answer - nothing, nada, niente. Three different ways to say a big fat NOTHING.
Nothing changes when we complain. Well that’s not exactly true. A lot of changes happen but not the ones that we really want.
Here’s what does change when you complain:
- your heart rate excelerates
- your blood pressure goes up
- your mood dampens
- your depression meter just shot through the roof.
So my question to you (and myself) is - are those the changes that you want? If the answer is a big fat NO then here’s what to do instead.
- Feel your complaint whatever it is. First step is to ‘hear’ it and feel it inside. Then say to yourself - What can I do about it?
- Sometimes there is nothing to do about the complaint. Sometimes it’s more about - What else can I focus on that is good, beautiful and right here now?
- Be kind to others. This sounds strange and out of left field. How does being kind to others relate to not complaining. Well when you are kind and caring to others guess where your focus is? Not on yourself! Ah, that’s anti-complaining at it’s best. So ask yourself - Who needs me right now and who can I help.
In short, we can use ALL of the things that feel screwed up in our lives to make a better world. In fact that is our only chance for happiness.
There is absolutely no fixing this world. It is as it is and we must adapt. Not in a negative way but towards our greatness.
Today see how you can retrain your brain and get on the A-train towards happiness, fulfillment and dare I say it - joy!
Ah, now that wasn’t so hard was it? Get out there and share yourself today - love people, do more, be silent and witness the beauty of life going by.
Yours in getting on the right train,
Annie
p.s just so you know - I’m taking my own advice on this as well!
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Retreat 42 Group: Gavin’s Updates
March 16, 2010
I am guiding a wonderful group of 24 adventurers through the 42 Day Creative Retreat process and they are doing great! Here are some insights from Gavin, one of our members. Very exciting! If you get excited watching this and want to be part of the group, feel free to email me.
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Rumors Are Stories That Stick
March 3, 2010
Rumor, definition: a statement or claim of questionable accuracy from no known reliable source, usually spread by word of mouth, an unverified account or explanation of events circulating from person to person.
Stories are very popular right now especially in the area of marketing and branding. I’m not exactly sure why since they’ve been around for thousands of years but suddenly everyone is talking about them. Rumors are stories that stick. What does this mean for our everyday lives?
Well if you think about it, a rumor is a story that you tell over and over again, whether you know it is true or not. What a powerful thing. What’s disconcerting though is that since rumors have such a powerful emotional energy, they tend to stick. Why is that?
Think about it this way - did you ever watch a soap opera or a tele-drama? When I was in college, a girlfriend lent me her TV while she was away for the summer. She lent it to me on one condition - that I watch Dallas for her and keep her up to date on the story. 
I hated Dallas but I did it just for her. The funny thing is that by the time she came back to claim her TV, I had gotten hooked on the show and I didn’t want to let her have it back! Those larger than life characters like JR Ewing and Sue Ellen, made those stories stick in my mind.
Don’t we have at least a few ‘characters’ like that here in our lives? People that we’ve only heard about but never actually met? People that we are so curious to know about them that we just can’t help but cling to and share every little bit of story (i.e rumor) that we hear? It’s no different than watching TV is it? Don’t you hear people all the time talking about television characters as if they are real? “Oh did you hear what so and so did on such and such a show?” It’s very common.
Rumors are stories that stick because they are have real life emotion in them. They are interesting and satisfy that curiosity seeking part of our mind. We can’t help ourselves. We love a good story, especially mini dramas - whether they are in real life or on TV.
So that said - what do we do with the negative power that stories and rumors have on our lives? Think about it - whether we know it or not, our human lives are all intertwined, as if we are all in the same boat. Let’s literally imagine that we are in one giant canoe traveling down the river together. It’s like that in the sense that our personal and economic well-being is all linked together right?
So here we are in the same boat and there is a big JR Ewing type in the back. Those of us who are in the front just can’t help ourselves. We start out with just tiny twitters, “Oh did you see who’s in the back?” Then it gets a little louder - “Did you know that he just bought a gigantic new property?”
Now we can’t stop ourselves - “What do you think he’s going to do with it?” which really means - how is what he’s doing going to affect us here in the front of the boat.
The answer is yes it will affect us. We are all affected by each other in ways that are obvious or not so-obvious. Take JR for example. How do you think he’s going to feel if he hears us talking about him, which inevitably he will? We think we’re not doing harm right? We’re just curious or we tell ourselves that we are looking for information and wanting to understand. All true.
But now put yourself in the back of the boat, be JR for a moment and consider just how it feels to be talked about in whispers. Not good right? For good or for bad - rumors are stories that are told about us.
We’re not involved in the communication and are hearing it from the outside, thus we have no direct participation. That’s the part that makes a rumor deadly. When we feel cut off from other people, we feel like we’re unfairly picked on even when the rumor is not meant to hurt.
Even when we are curious or just seeking more information - telling stories about other people when they are not directly involved, does harm.
But here’s the cool thing and the point of change - we can just as easily spread “appreciative stories” - i.e. rumors that highlight a person’s greatness, not their weakness. The more we do this the more we grow together. Imagine what happens when we start circulating positive, inspiring stories about everyone in the boat.
Imagine just how much faster we are able to row to the shore through uplifting feedback rather than rumor.
Now I am NOT saying that we should never be honest or be real about things. We need to tell the truth but these things are not mutually exclusive. And appreciative feedback is not just some nice thing relegated only to those ‘touchy feeling’ types.
Believe it or not, positive feedback it is the single biggest thing that makes a difference in terms of human motivation. That is what every great leader knows about making great people - to create greatness you first have to look for the greatness in others, then point it out to them since they often don’t see it themselves and finally pass it on and share it with others.
This is called a ‘positive feedback loop‘. Yes there’s actually a name for it! And it generates much more than the original story and lasts long after the story is done being told.
We are all in the same boat, heading to the same shore. If we start today spreading stories of inspiration and goodness about each other, just imagine how quickly it can generate new energy. We can do this.
Each of us can start today by sharing new stories. We can also commit to being the of the end line for spreading stories don’t contribute to our well-being or success. We’re all in this together.
Thanks for listening and please feel free to share….
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Problems Are Like A Box
March 2, 2010
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Your Gifts
February 26, 2010
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Where Fulfillment Really Comes From, It’s Not Where You Think
February 25, 2010
We spend most of our lives turning in tiny circles, around and around like a dog chasing it’s tail - trying to find happiness, love, peacefulness and most of all fulfillment. So why does it seem to always elude us?
We feel it for a fleeting second and then it is gone. We try to hold onto it but it is more slippery than an underwater eel. It has an elusive quality to it that we just can’t wrap our hands or minds around.
Why is that?
Some say that the world was created this way on purpose. Why is that? It’s kind of like this - if you’re always great at everything, if everything comes to you easily and you never have to work at anything, then life would be totally boring and unfulfilling.
We don’t think it would be. We long for this imagined nirvana in which we never have to work again but honest to God, we’d be dead in two days from complete boredom.
You see our true and lasting fulfillment comes from effort - from going against the grain, pushing against what’s difficult and doing what seems impossible.
Yikes!
That doesn’t match my ’sit-on-a-sandy-beach-in-the-sun’ idea of fulfillment. That’s not what I had in mind!
But without that effort, life would be too easy and we’d again be bored to tears. We’d say to ourselves, (yawn) - “Oh boy another day of Pina Coladas, sun and surf. Give me some meaty challenge to deal with please!”
Fulfillment comes from doing what we don’t want to do - calling my mother when I’d rather turn off the phone, reaching out to a friend when I would prefer to be lounging on the couch and most important of all - really looking inside and changing from the inside out.
Ok ready for some fun? I’ll go first. Let’s make a list together of our worst attributes. You call that fun? Not yet but just hang in there ok?
My top three are:
- Arrogance - too many lifetimes as a haughty queen.
- Stubborness - my mother found this out when I was only 1 year old.
- Hardheadedness - I always think I’m right. Aren’t I??
So no slouching now. It’s not enough just to sit and stare at my negative traits, that’s not fair. Get out your pen and start jotting your own top 3 -5 .
Here is your secret doorway to fulfillment. Each day start changing those horrible, awful and ugly traits into their higher qualities and voila’ you will see an amazing change. Ok I’ll go first again.
- Arrogant - instead of being above people, I have to weather this discomfort of being the same, being alike and joining in. Eeeek! But once I do that I get the surprising and hidden benefit of love, caring and belonging. See what I mean now?
- Stubborn - instead of always digging my heels in I need to flex, bend and go with the flow. Super hard for me to do but hey I’m out for more in life. When I do this, I get the unexpected fulfillment of peacefulness and happiness.
- Hard headed - I’m not changing this no matter what you say! Just kidding. I have to realize that I am not always right and learn to value others opinions, needs and points of view, even if they’re wrong. Just kidding again, but see how hard this is!
Now let me be honest and say that that I don’t personally want to give up any of these traits. Well I do on a ‘higher level’ but we have to realize that these ‘negative’ traits are actually easy and comfortable for us.
It is much easier to look down on people than to feel the discomfort of being being part of things and being rejected right? Get the idea?
Growth which leads to fulfillment is always uncomfortable!
If it’s easy, it’s not the right path. Now I’m not talking about needless pain or suffering. I’m talking about pushing and exerting in a direction that you know you need to change. Even your mother will agree.
If you don’t believe me, and there is no reason that you should, then try this test. Ask your three best friends and your mother and if you want to amp it up then ask your worst enemy too - say “What are my worst traits that if I changed them, I would be a better person?”
No covering your ears when they reply. That’s cheating too.
Breathe, open your heart, keep your shoulders down, keep your hands loose and smile while you’re listening.
Think to yourself, “Ah this is the best thing that I could possibly hear because it is my ticket to freedom.” Picture all of the love, happiness and fulfillment that is going to come streaming in when you do this.
So this is where fulfillment really lives - under the ugly, the uncomfortable and the not-so-lovable parts of ourselves. They are there for a reason. Let’s go for the gusto and make some change today. Please feel free to report your efforts.
Yours in always seeking for more and more and more,
Annie
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Stories From the Next World: I Must Be From Another Planet
February 22, 2010
This is a companion piece to my blog post of last week, “Swimming Against the Tide.”
I must be from another planet. In fact I’m pretty sure that I am. When someone tells me about the right way to do things, I instinctively think, “Oh no, I can’t do that.” Well actually it’s not that I can, but more like I won’t.
You see I’m from another planet and maybe you are too. On my home planet we would never think of doing everything the same as everyone else. Oh no, on our home planet - we like to be unique and original just like our fingerprints.
We visitors from another planet tend to have this go against the grain streak inside of us that makes us stand out from the crowd. And that’s not a good thing. In a world where difference is seen as a threat to survival it’s not easy to be unique and go against the grain.
Years ago when I was in college, I took a ceramics class and one day our teacher announced that we were going to make a set of 6 mugs all alike. Now given what I’ve said above, I want you to imagine just what my response was? Eeek!
I don’t want to make 6 mugs all alike!’ So I had the guts to speak up and ask, “Why would I do that? If I wanted 6 mugs all the same I could just go to a department store and buy them.”
He was pissed! He didn’t like me messing with his idea. People that have the right way to do things rarely do. They get mad when you muss up their nice little formula for life. I didn’t mean to do that. Honestly, it’s not that I wanted to offend him. It’s just that I cannot, simply CAN-KNOT make 6 pieces of art all alike.
It’s not in me.
It’s not in my DNA, not in my bones and my hands won’t allow me to do it. Guaranteed that if I had tried, I would have gotten a horrible rash on my hands or something just to prove that it’s exactly what I should not be doing.
Now I know that people from this planet all like to do things in a certain set way. I understand the logic of that. But it never works for me nonetheless.
So in my ceramics class I actually slipped to the corner of the room and set about making my one, single, original and totally one-of-a-kind mug, while everyone else was making their six in a row.
It wasn’t comfortable to be doing my totally unique thing but it was necessary. Because had I forced myself to make six all alike, I’m pretty sure that I would be in a mental institution today still making mugs all in a row. We from another planet are very sensitive you see.
When I was done the teacher came over. He actually admitted that my lone original mug was pretty cool. Was I imaging it or was he really longing to break out of the mold and create one all his own? I’m pretty sure I felt his longing. We from another planet can feel things like that.
So don’t worry if you don’t feel the same and you definitely don’t fit all in a nice neat row. It’s ok. You’re from another planet and you’re here to make a difference. Or in some cases you’re here to be the difference.
Just breathe and go with the flow. Don’t worry what anyone else thinks. I still have that mug and I love it.
Be one of a kind because that’s what you are anyway - original, unique and just like your fingerprints, all your own.
Yours in always sharing the stories that make you stand out in a crowd,
Annie
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Change Your Altitude
February 22, 2010
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42 Day Creative Retreat Process: The Details Revealed
February 21, 2010
Woo-hoo here we go folks. This week for the first time I will be talking about the 42 Day Creative Retreat process live on a Webinar with my wonderful colleague Jeff Simpkins.
Here’s the description:
42 Day Creative Retreat Process: How to go away every day
Date: Wednesday, February 24, 2010 @ 1 pm Eastern
You want to do bigger things in life but sometimes those bigger, more meaningful projects seem impossible to get off the ground. How do you take time out of your busy day to dedicate to the things that really matter to you? More importantly how do you overcome that ever present inner critic that tells you you can’t do it? Join Annie Hart (that’s me), creator and developer of the 42 Day Creative Retreat Process which helped her create a nearly complete body of work in only 42 days.
Now what’s not to love about that folks?
You want to do bigger things in the world and it’s darned hard to get them off the ground right? That’s why I put myself in the ‘desert’ of my own life to find out how to crack the code and I’m bringing it out to the public now for the very first time.
Please join us. Jeff is great - very lively and engaging. He is the one who I tell the funny story about that he turned me on to Bea Fields, the blogging class and the power of Twitter. This is a man with a lot of heart, knowledge and expertise.
He will be hearing about the process for the first time as well. So do be on the edge of your seats to find out all the juicy details!
The Webinar is free but you do need to register. Just click here to do so.
Coming soon, my collaborator Ian Waddelow and I will be launching a 42 Day Retreat pilot group. How fun is that!
So stay tuned for more and as always get out there and change the world!
Annie
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You Want To Do Bigger Things
February 15, 2010
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