Video: Stories From the Heart of the Cosmos
August 30, 2010
This is a wonderful video short of my body of work called, “Stories from the Heart of the Cosmos” done for me by friend, filmmaker Tim Kelly. It gives you a sense of the characters and stories that make up my world. I am publishing this again because I’m going to use some of the stories for my forthcoming book. Hope you enjoy a trip through the cosmos!
From Pitiful to Powerful, Every Day
August 2, 2010
a mighty mouse
Yes I know I’m supposed to be super-woman but actually it’s a constant struggle not to feel pitiful. I don’t know about you but I fight this battle every single day.
Now mind you I want to feel powerful, but it seems like my brain, as efficient as it is in other ways, sure likes to default to it’s most pitiful setting at least once a day and sometimes more.
Being powerful is no easy thing because in my mind you can’t fake it. I can’t just put on an actor’s suit and walk around like Goliath going “Argh, I’m powerful.”
No I really have to feel it and be it in order to make it work for me. Otherwise it’s just a temporary trick that doesn’t last.
Powerful to me is not the same as might, that’s where we get mighty confused in our culture! Part of being powerful is being in tune with yourself and on those days where I truly feel pitiful, meaning low to the ground, then I try to commune with myself and get back into power.
goliath
It’s not pulling myself up by the boot straps kind of power, it’s the true power of being connected to yourself no matter what.
If it’s sunny you feel in tune, if it’s raining you do as well, but you allow yourself to change with the times and the seasons. It’s not letting your mood control you and yet not manhandling those moods either.
It’s a very fine balance between powerful and pitiful but I like to ride it like a see-saw and do my best to stay in the middle rather than on either side. No easy thing. Balance is one of the hardest things of all. It’s much easier to manhandle ourselves into a temporary strength.
I saw a woman on her way to the gym near my house the other day. She laughingly said, “Oh yes I’m going to torture myself.”
I thought, Why would you do that? Do you think you’ll get true strength? Or are you only kidding yourself because mostly you just want to sit on the couch all the time?
balance
Going to the gym and having some trainer shout out 100 push ups, pull ups or ab crunches is fine but not my idea of true strength. True strength and power is much harder to attain than that. You can’t just do a few ab crunches and have it.
You have to push yourself in the direction of your greatest growth every single day.
So here’s a few ways that I walk the bridge from powerful to pitiful just about every day of my life:
- Use a sense of humor about it all. This is definitely #1. I did a speech years ago called, “Proud to be Pitiful” and I try to see both the humor and the glory in being pitiful, rather than berating myself. That doesn’t help!
- Remember times and ways that you were powerful or went from pitiful to powerful. It helps to remind your brain that you’ve done it before and can do it again.
- Enlist the help of friends and allies. This is always an important strategy for me to get out of the pitiful zone. I surround myself with people who remember my true strength, even when I’m down for the count.
- Enjoy it! Yep, rather than digging out, sometimes you need to dig in. Write a poem, make up a song, laugh and have a good time with your pitifulness. You just might have fun.
And of course last but not least be proud to be pitiful. Think of all the lowly creatures of the earth and how you can be proud to be keeping company with them. Very cool!
Video: My Video Tips
July 20, 2010
Video: Dare to Be Yourself
July 13, 2010
Video: Searching for More
July 6, 2010
Think Small – advice from a mouse
July 6, 2010
think small
In the personal growth field, everyone is always touting us to ‘Think Big.’ But thinking big is overrated. Every now and then it’s a good idea to get low to the ground and think small for a bit. Let’s take the example of a little mouse.
A little mouse, what do I mean?
This week my niece sent me a picture of an adorable little mouse and it made me think about the beauty and benefits of the small side of life. In a world that is all about the gigantic proportions of big cars, mountainous buffet dinners and extra-large coffee drinks, thinking from the small side of life can be very beneficial.
Years ago I had a friend visit me from Italy. He had never been to America before and we took him to dinner. Afterwards he ordered coffee which was served in a a mug. As you know coffee in coffee (which is called caffe) is served in a tiny cup.
He took one look at the mug and shouted, “Madonna e’ una piscina,” which translates to, “My God, it’s a swimming pool.” He was absolutely astounded at the size of everything and he spent his entire vacation eating ‘big sandwiches’ and watching big cars drive by. He had a ball with the large side of American life.
While that was a fun experience for him, most of us need just the opposite. We can benefit from un-giganticizing our thinking. I just made up that word by the way!
So let’s take a look at how mouse-like behaviors might truly benefit us:
open up and trust
Mouse Tip #1 – as a small creature you can easily rest in the palm of someone’s hand. In human parlance this means that it’s good to let down your guard, be soft and open your belly to the world. Let all the burdens slip off your shoulders, open up and trust.
It’s good to rest in the palm of the world sometimes.
slow down and rest
Mouse Tip #2 – as a little mouse you can yawn a lot. In human terms this means that when you allow yourself to live like a little creature you can be in tune with your own natural rhythms. You may find you need a rest, a nap or just a short break. Take time to be like this little mouse and tune in.
It’s good to rest and slow down.
creative challenges
Mouse tip #3 – mice are creative above all else. Just watch how they store seeds, nuts and cheese in their little holes. They show us that you can have fun with life and creatively prepare for anything that life may bring you. You don’t need to be on guard about it, instead look forward to the obstacles and challenges that might come your way. It’s good to be prepared to roll creatively with life.
Be creative with life’s challenges and look forward to whatever life has to bring you.
So what do you think? Might it not be time to slow down, take some time to rest in the palm of the world and be prepared for the life to come?
Thanks to my niece Meredith and I hope you’ve enjoyed my little mouse story. I encourage you to think small and enjoy the benefits.
The Single Greatest Change You Can Make
July 5, 2010
ready for change
Ready for a leap in self development? Ok here it is. Make a list of your top ten worst traits. That’s right, stop and do that right now.
Now sit that list right in front of you. You should feel a cringe inside your gut like, “Oh jeez I wish that wasn’t me.” If you feel that, then you’ve got the right list.
If you feel like, “Oh that’s not so bad,” then you faked yourself out the first time and you need to write it over. This time write the REAL list. The one you don’t want anybody to know about.
Now that you’ve got the real list let’s begin. With the list straight in front of you picture yourself at 80 years old. Imagine all those traits on the list as getting stronger, firmer, less yielding and more set in stone, like granite. Ok really picture yourself at 80 with those traits having hardened into being who you are today.
EEEEKKK!
If you feel that eeek! then we’re on the right track. This means that those traits are exactly who you never want to become right? If you want to amp up this exercise, go back and list the top five worst traits of someone whom you judge a lot.
Again add them to your set-in-stone 80-year old personality and you’ve got all the makings for a big change coming on right now! Ready?
time for change
All you have to do is to take seriously the fact that if we are not pushing ourselves to change then we’re not changing.
I have watched every one of my older relatives, friends, colleagues become less kind, less loving and more unyielding as they’ve aged. It’s a shocking conclusion about life that no one ever tells us about and and I’m not sure why not.
Our negative traits are like weeds that grow and take over if we don’t pull them out.
I watched my favorite aunt become nasty and brittle in her old age, a former boyfriend who instead of became self-centered and inward and I notice myself that if I’m not careful I wake up in the mornings like a grumpy old lady.
EEEK AGAIN!
We must run away from these traits and constantly keep that negative image of our 80 year-old selves right in front of us. Is this negative conditioning? Yes it is. But in this case, if we don’t keep an image of what we don’t want right in front of us, we will slide downhill right towards it.
I’m not sure why but it seems a fact of human destiny, that if we don’t change on purpose, we tend to deteriorate in body, mind and spirit as we age. We’re not just getting older, we’re getting more crochety! But we don’t have to.
The negative image in this case is really a positive way of heading towards what we really want. Because the cool thing is that when work against our default nature, we actually reveal our real and beautiful selves.
The diamond is right underneath the crud. So get digging.
Don’t be afraid to dig out your absolute worst traits and keep them in mind everyday as you go about your life. With each nasty part of yourself that you undo, you shed just a little more light on the world.
Mine for today was to wake up out of grumpy and into gratitude. Ah, what a beautiful day and how blessed my life is. How about you?
Life is a Dangerous Adventure
June 29, 2010
courage
Life is a dangerous adventure and we should live it with gusto. But too often we live as if life was meant to make us comfortable or to give us everything we need. Then we act shocked and outraged when ‘things go wrong.’
Things aren’t going wrong. It’s just life.
When life is a dangerous adventure then you actively seek out the un-comfort-able zone. You put yourself on the edge of your awareness, always eager for growth, change and the next step into the impossible.
In the comfort zone you basically stay in the sleep zone of life and while you feel good on one level, you terrible on another because some part of you knows deep down that you were meant for more.
Does life as a dangerous adventure mean that you need to become like Evil Knievel and jump over cars? No. That is called daring and is good for those high wire folks, but it is not what I’m talking about.
Unlike heroic acts of courage in exceptional circumstances, it’s about developing the inner courage that enables us to lead authentic and fulfilling lives on a day-to-day basis. This is the courage to embrace the unknown in spite of our fears.
I’m talking about embracing life. Seeing it as it really is rather than the way we’ve been conditioned to believe it is. This would include:
- not being shocked when things don’t go your way
- seeking out the things that are good for your growth but make you uncomfortable
- helping others to do the same
- enjoying it all!
Ah that’s life in the no-comfort zone – risky, juicy and full of….welll life!
As Osho says, “Whenever we are faced with uncertainty and change in our lives, it is actually a cause for celebration. Instead of trying to hang on to the familiar and the known, we can learn to enjoy these situations as opportunities for adventure and for deepening our understanding of ourselves and the world around us.”
Don’t call it uncertainty, call it wonder
Don’t call it insecurity, call it freedom
When we feel more insecurity and more danger the only way to respond to it is with awareness. There are only two possibilities, either you close your eyes and become like an ostrich or you wake up to the life that is waiting all around you.
Life is not a mechanical process. Life is a mystery. Nobody knows what is going to happen in the next moment. If everything is known then we are just robots sleepwalking through life.
So if you’re looking for your next dangerous adventures, don’t just make it a bungy-jumping trip to Cancun, make it your whole life.
Viva la vida peligrosa!
I’d enjoy hearing from you and if you’d like to listen to my Radio Show on the same topic, I’ll have lots of fun stories and tips for you there too!
Video: Beyond the Ordinary
June 28, 2010
The Deep Structure of Stories
June 15, 2010
stories hiding
They don’t mean to, but stories often hide in the deep structure of our nervous system. Let me give you an example.
A client of mine had an inkling that he had something to say but he wasn’t exactly sure what.
When he met me something clicked. The click was that he knew there was something inside that wanted to come out and he thought I might be able to help him.
Good thinking!
Stories can hide deep down in the recesses of the inner world and it takes a kind of deep sea diver to bring them out. They aren’t going to come out on their own. They are like little water nymphs that prefer living in the darkness.
Why?
Different reasons. Some stories are difficult ones to tell – they have old emotions or memories storied in them, so they prefer to stay unseen, trying to protect us from harm.
Other stories are difficult to articulate because they are stored in what I call the deep structure of the nervous system, a place beyond words.
baby language
Think of a baby. They don’t necessarily speak in language but it doesn’t mean that they don’t articulate. They do – they do it in grunts, gestures, sounds and movements. This is a story, just not a verbal one.
It’s the same way in our own nervous system. There are levels of expression beyond the words and some of our bigger, deeper stories are at such a level of complexity that we can’t seem to articulate them.
But that doesn’t mean that they aren’t there. Nor does it mean that they can’t come out. They can. They just need the right environment and a good listener.
When I was a little girl, my mother used to take me into the woods, prop me up on a log and get me to tell her my stories. Funny thing was that I didn’t even think that I had stories to tell her, but as soon as I would get in the woods and up on my log, the stories would come pouring out.
I don’t know how my mother knew that this was exactly what I needed to get to the stories inside, but it was. When she didn’t do this, I was reticent, without anything to say.
What was it about that environment that made the stories come out so easily?
Two things – one is that the environment itself can be highly conducive to story listening, especially when you’re listening for the deep structure and not just everyday content.
And two because my mother listened and listened. I don’t remember her even saying a word while I told my stories from the log, and my mother was a talker! But once we were in the woods, a totally different environment would create the magic that was needed for my stories to pour out.
Cool huh?
listen for stories
So if you feel stuck around telling or writing your stories, find a story guide or someone to listen to you. Remember that some stories live in the deep structure and may be difficult to articulate or beyond words, at least at first.
If you need a good story listener, my mother would probably offer. She’s 90 years old now and lives in Oklahoma, but she’s still a good story listener and would be happy to hear from you!
Tell your stories. They are important to the world and we need to hear them.
And don’t worry just because they seem to hide like little water nymphs deep down in the depths of the story world. They can be coaxed out. Just make sure someone is listening, even if it’s just yourself.
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