Going For the Gold, A Creative Retreat To Tackle the Inner Critic
December 21, 2009
Eureka Moment
when the lightbulb goes off
It is that time of the year and I am going on creative retreat. I had a Eureka moment this weekend in which I realized that I never truly get traction on the bigger projects in my life.
WHY NOT?? I asked myself. And I had a revelation about it.
I realized that even though I am NLP Trainer and a master Hypnotherapist, I don’t know how to control my own brain!
Yes I know how, and I do this very successfully for my own clients, but I don’t access this power fully for myself.
WHY NOT?
Actually it is MUCH harder to do for yourself. At least on a regular, reliable and consistent basis. So that is my quest. To find a way to do this for myself - a way that works anyone, anytime and for anyone. That is my goal, and if it works on me than I will share it with you and everyone….
and if it doesn’t, then I will die trying!
This is a big one. I can feel my inner critic pulling out all the punches already and I’ve barely even gotten started! I know they may sound completely ridiculous to you, especially to those of you who know me, but trust me she’s got a LOUD voice and she knows how to hit right where it hurts. Try to hear these critiques in the acid-dripping tone in which she delivers them. Then maybe you’ll know what I mean.
Here is the list of her top three hard hitters:
- “Haven’t you tried this before?” You do have a whole set of notebooks filled with other great ideas don’t you?”
- “What are you doing this for? Haven’t things like this already been done?”
- “Who is going to want this anyway? You’re going to go to all of this trouble….and for what?”
As I said, she really knows how to hit where it hurts. She knows that I do have a cabinet of notebooks filled with my millions of great ideas. She knows that what I am working on is not rocket science and is in fact very simple. And worst of all she knows that my deepest fear (and everyone’s) is that all of our hard work and effort will be for nothing.
The biggest fear is that NO ONE CARES!
But HA! Don’t worry folks, I have the tricks and the tools to handle this. At least I hope I do. Here’s how it’s gonna work - as she throws me a hard ball, I will devise a creative process to work with that. So bring it on inner critic! I’m ready for you. (I know I’m gonna be sorry I said this!)
I am going to let myself be wrestled to the ground, strangled by her acerbic words and brought to the edge of giving up. This is my test. Can I do it? Can I face all of my foibles, failures and fears of inadequacy?
The fun is that I may die trying. Not literally but figuratively. Part of me will die, the part that has been afraid all along.
It’s much easier to pay someone to change your mind. That is what my clients do every week and they get great changes. I’m going to do it the hard way. It’s just going to be me, myself, my inner critic and my journal. Plus my bag of creative tricks that I’m going to use to tackle this problem.
If I can’t do it, maybe no one can. I don’t mean that in an egotistical way. I mean that if I, who has all of the tricks of the trade, can’t do it for myself, then maybe it’s time to find a way that it CAN be done.
I want to create a reliable and repeatable process that can be used anytime, anywhere. No more muse! The inspiration has to come when I call it, not just show up when it wants to! That’s too fickle for my purposes.
So this my goal for my creative retreat. I will be back with the results in the new year. Promise to love me no matter what happens. Promise to stand by me whether I produce something or not.
Please admire for me just for going for it! I would really appreciate that.
I appreciate you already, for being here every week reading my blog. Thank you from my heart. Stay tuned for more in the new year. Anything good that comes my way, will be naturally passed on to you.
Happy New Year my friends….here’s to renewed Light in your life.
Yours in the creative incubator of life,
Annie
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Corey’s Story Journey: Back on Track
October 22, 2009
Last night I shared with my story guide Annie Hart that I needed us to have a structured call today. Since our call last week I was beginning to feel a bit desperate and depressed, like we had fallen off track.
Thankfully, because I am a story guide myself, I was able to pin point that quickly and ask Annie for structure. A few weeks ago, Annie and I had created a blue print for some of the book and had yet to dive into the detailed stories in that model we had created.
So today, we did just that and the call felt incredibly successful again. There are times to be philosophical and big picture and then there are times to dive into the trenches and do the work. Today we hunkered down and did the work and that felt great.
I am at an advantage in that I could express what I was feeling and help my story guide to change direction with me. Most of my clients do not have the ability to define what they are feeling and suggest a solution. Annie pointed that out to me on today’s call and that rung immediately true with me.
I cannot emphasize enough how going through this process myself is teaching me what I put my clients through and helping me see weak spots in my past process.
Annie and Katie working together with me, I feel like we are defining a new process we can use with future clients that will yield outstanding results. Could I ask for more?
Annie’s Note: After our call, I felt something that was unresolved from last week, so I called Corey and we had a wonderful conversation which really opened things up. See next post for details.
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Corey’s Story Journey: Sometimes the Creative Process Sucks!
October 14, 2009
Today was one of those days. My story guide Annie Hart was trying to lead me in a direction that I was confounded by and resistant to. We tussled for about 20 minutes and I never felt like I got anywhere on the issue.
It seemed like there was a pink elephant in the room that everyone but me could see. AHHHHH! So frustrating to feel like we were going in circles but not moving forward. What I love most about the creative process are the epiphanies that come on these calls. To feel like we packed up the car, but never left the driveway was irritating and disappointing. I’m used to being energized by these calls damnit! 
Thankfully, even though I felt like I was an actor who couldn’t deliver what the director needed while the camera was rolling, I understand the creative process enough to keep breathing. I relied on my humor and my understanding of the process to not allow the issue to deflate me. Okay I was deflated during the call, but not by the end of it! I left aggravated, but not feeling dismayed. Considering how successful this process has been, I can accept that some days it just sucks!
Annie’s Comments: I understand how Corey feels. I remember times that my mentor would push me into areas that I didn’t not want to go and I would be so mad at her. From my end, it’s not always easy doing breakthrough work. Sometimes you need to push someone in a direction that they don’t feel they need to go. I always try to let the client lead, but I also have to be ready for that moment when I feel the need to push in a direction that they don’t want to go.
Why? Because there is something there. Some meat, some juice, something I can’t even explain, but I can sfeel it. Who knows what it will turn out to be. But the amount of resistance that was there, says that there is something interesting right beyond that wall.
Stay tuned. Big gems come from daring to open these kinds of doors. The ones that push against you when you try to open them.
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Corey’s Story Journey: A Living Example
October 9, 2009
Every week this book writing process takes on a new path towards living. Last week I thought we had redefined the intention of the book. We had gone out on a limb and found a delicious piece of fruit and suddenly I wondered if we were supposed to be writing the book from that limb throughout. It felt exciting and dangerous. This week, we brought that piece of delectable fruit back to the center of the tree. I realized that my book is still very much about the creative process. What we have done though is to start to bring in some very personal stories (the fruit) that reveal what I have been through on my creative journey and that exemplify how the process works and how it is changing me profoundly week to week.
One of the big discoveries we made this morning was that last week was a moment in my book writing process when I went from wanting to control and to “Show” or “Tell” people about the creative process and about myself, to starting to look at all I have experienced through the lens of truth and to reveal it in its gory detail. Letting my story be what it is without trying to control it is a huge step in the paradigm shift that is necessary to create real change through a story. I’m calling it, “Giving people the good stuff.”
Some of what I say is going to upset people I know and some of it is going to upset people I don’t know. And I’m getting more and more comfortable with that. People are going to judge me. People might even say nasty things as I bring up painful issues they might also be experiencing, yet not dealing with in their own lives. My former self avoided conflict such as this at all costs. Now I am finding that bringing my good stuff does disrupt people’s comfortability with their own stuff and I’m trying to poke them awake to that. Resistance will come as I do that, but true listening will also be accomplished. I’m excited to start seeing that in real time.
And I cannot wait to start sharing these stories with you all. I hate that I cannot express them on this blog, but that would be robbing you (and me) of the experience of the book in its entirety. And I wouldn’t want to rob either of us of “the good stuff.” So thanks for hanging in there!
If you have yet to hear it, you might listen in to the last round table interview I did with Annie Hart and Katie Gutierrez Painter, my collaborators where we discussed last week’s epiphany. Enjoy!
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