Video: Stories Change the World
May 31, 2010
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May 17, 2010
Video: Kick Ass
April 5, 2010
Featured Video: Greatest Prank Ever
March 23, 2010
Alright I admit it, I love corny practical jokes like this one!
Video – Grumpy Gatekeeper
March 14, 2010
Video: Chocolate is a Vegetable
March 7, 2010
Miracle Pants Story Part 2: “Fashion Fore-Warned”
February 8, 2010
I have very disappointing news folks. For those of you that read my story about the Miracle Pants my mother wanted to send – heartbreaking news is that they don’t come in my size!
I can hear you all shrieking, “OH NO,” right now as I did when I called the company and found out that even though they have petites, they don’t have a size 4 which is what I’d need. They begin at a size 8. I guess they don’t consider that fashion forward women like me can be tiny and on the cutting fashion edge at the same time. Bummer!
This means that a lot of my Miracle Pants plans have to change. Here’s where I won’t be able to do wearing my Miracle Pants:
- I won’t be wearing them to my niece’s college graduation, complete with high heeled lavender pumps. *She is thrilled about this.
- I won’t be co-staring in the next Charlies Angels movie with my flame proof Miracle Pants. I guess they are going to have to find someone else.
- I won’t be trekking the Great Wall of China in my hiking boots and Miracle Pants. I’m sure this would have been a first.
- And saddest of all is that on my next date, whenever that is, I will not be flirting with the love of my life in my Miracle Pants. (sob, sob, sob)
I know you’re all saddened to the core about this but don’t let it get you down. The good news is that if you’re a size 8 or larger, petite or otherwise – YOU can get the Miracle Pants. Just email me and I will personally send you an autographed copy of the ad and you can be well on your way to Miracle Pant heaven.
Before I end this sad story however, I know there are a few things that you were wondering about. You are certainly dying to know which colors I was going to order?? I had picked out sensible black, vibrant violent, charming turquoise and little bunny pink. All wonderful colors don’t you think?
You are probably also wondering, as my niece was when she said, “Annie what the heck are you going to do in these pants?” “Sweetie,” I answered, “I am going to go on dates, fly to Paris, walk down the street and wear them to your graduation.”
She was horrified by all of the above options. But as I said, unfortunately none of these Miracle Pant adventures will come to fruition, now or ever. (Sob, sob). Excuse me I’ve got to go get a tissue…..
Here’s the last thing you were wondering – what else could I have used these pants for? Well here are some comments from my loyal blog readers about the pants:
“Chuck Norris couldn’t rip those pants.”
“I bet they ward off wild animals and vampires too.”
“You are so funny! I’m still laughing. I could use some miracle pants! Pink and purple would be nice. People will see me coming when I ask them to volunteer.”
Well folks in lieu of wearing the miracle pants, I guess I’ll have to be adventurous in another way.
You’ve been fashion fore-warned. Today go out and get yourself a pair of flame proof pants and live a little dangerously!
Yours in always sharing a side of life that is better kept hidden,
Annie
The Story of the Miracle Pants
January 25, 2010
My mother is adorable. At 90 years old she still lives in an old fashioned world of no cell phones, no email and $5 pairs of pants.
She called me the other day very excited. I hate to say this but usually when she is excited about something for me it’s often something that I dread. Her tastes and mine are often very different.
As a kid she would take me to buy new shoes and when we got to the store she’d say to me, “Go ahead and pick out the ones that you like.” As soon as I would pick out the coolest, hippest pair of shoes that an 8-year old could find, she’d say, “Oh not those. We’re going to get these sturdy brown ones.” You know the sensible kind? Ugh! My mother’s taste in shoes and mine were radically different.
So when she called me the other day very excited to say that she wanted to buy me some pants, I had a moment of excitement until I realized that ‘Ugh’, they might be a lot like the brown shoes of the past.
But my mother is 90 now and I decided that I don’t have to ward off her clothing choices anymore. I can open to them and share her excitement, whether I want the pants or not. So I called her back.
She was just dying to tell me about these amazing $5 polyester knit pants that come in so many exciting colors and are completely spill proof. She knows this because she spilled her breakfast all over them and was able to wash them right out in the sink and they didn’t even leave a stain. Wow, these really are miracle pants.
I got such a kick out of her excitement about them. In her mind they have so many benefits – little washing, spill-ability and absolutely no ironing!
I have to say that it was so darned adorable how enchanted my mother is over these miracle pants that I decided to let her send me the catalog so I can (get this) pick out 5 pairs of my own that she wants to buy me!
Now here’s the funny part – when I told my niece Devon about this, we laughed until we nearly peed ourselves. We started making up funny stories about these miracle pants and all the things that they can do. So we decided that in addition to the no ironing, the spill factor and the many lovely colors, these pants can also provide these benefits:
- if you happen to be walking by a burning building and you are wearing these pants, go ahead and go inside because they are completely fire proof!
- if you should cut yourself and are being rushed to the emergency room, there is no need to worry about the wound, just wrap your pants around it and they will cauterize it immediately.
- got a bad ex-husband lingering around? These pants will get rid of him in a jiffy, need I say why?
- don’t have time to change between work and night life? These pants can go from a full day at the office to a night of disco dancing with a simple change of shoes. Note that I say disco dancing as they will probably not be suitable for any other type of dancing.
- do you need to sharpen your kitchen knives but don’t know where to take them? Worry no more, you can sharpen them right on your pants – they are just like stainless steel. Just be careful of your leg underneath.
Now these are just some of the many benefits of these miracle pants and as I said earlier, they are only $5 a pair. But what I am thinking of doing is buying them up in bulk and offering them on my website for an amazing deal of $7.50 a pair (let me know if you want some). I might as well turn a little profit from this amazing discovery don’t you think?
I just love the idea of wearing my miracle pants around town and watching people turn their heads to wonder if I have just stepped out of the movie “Staying Alive” (remember with John Travolta?).
I have offered to wear these pants to my nieces college graduation. Remember they won’t wrinkle in my suitcase. She however has threatened to kill me if I do. Young people are so ungrateful these days, they just don’t get the beauty of things like miracle pants like these.
Ahh, the beauty of the days of old, when pants were only $5 and had so many multiple uses. My mother lives happily in days of yore and I’m happy for her and her lilac, ruby and brown miracle pants.
Aren’t you curious to find out what colors I get and where I wear them? Stay tuned or put in your vote for which uses of the miracle pants you’d like to see me use them for.
Yours in wearing the pants that can change the world,
Annie
I’m Unwrapped For Christmas
December 14, 2009
Good news folks. I’m unwrapped for Christmas. Before you jump the gun and think hey did she get lucky? It’s not what you think.
I’ve unloaded the usual packaging that I wrap myself in this time of year. You know all of that unnecessary strain, stress and expectations that we place on ourselves this time of year? I’ve shed all of that. Woo-hoo! I’m free. Free to experience this day as it wants to be.
I realized that I don’t need to make a big deal out of it. Miss Sweetie (mini dachshund) and I are going to pass a nice quiet Christmas with our Tofurkey roast. That should be enough to keep us warm and nourished.
A Tofurkey roast? What’s that you ask. It’s some kind of tofu concoction that looked so good on the box that I couldn’t resist. It’s probably awful and Miss S and I will need to dump it in the trash, but I wanted to have an adventure so I bought it. I’ve got pasta on hand in case it’s inedible…don’t worry.
But since I’m unwrapped for Christmas, that means that I’m FREE to do anything I want – including eat a fake turkey. I’m not sure I like it. Even though I’m a vegetarian, I don’t really like tofu.
But fun and freedom is the name of the game. Being unwrapped means that Christmas doesn’t have to be any of the things that it usually means to me. That way I don’t have to feel sad, lonely or sorry for myself (boo hoo) that I’m not going to visit my family this year. Nope that’s not a useful state of mind. So I’ve left that behind and am open to discover what this day wants to bring me.
At the very least it will be an experiment in living. I’ll let you know.
Yours in accepting everything life has to offer,
Annie
The Holy Horror Days: Ready, Set, Go CRAZY!
December 6, 2009
Alright let’s get real here. They are not Holi-days (Holy-days), they are Holy Horror Days.
I don’t know about you but I find this time of year very difficult and very painful. If you ask me the world has gone crazy and no one is stopping it. Come early November, I start getting that feeling of oh no here it comes feeling. It begins with one of my favorite radio stations insisting that I would like to hear Christmas carols 24 hours a day from early November until December 26th.
I would not.
I don’t like Christmas carols all that much. I never did and I certainly don’t want to hear them 24 hours a day for almost 6 weeks. What are they thinking? I used to like them long ago back in the dark ages of my childhood. I never heard them on the radio then. We sang them outloud. Believe it or not we actually went around the neighborhood to people’s
houses and sang for them. The concept of sharing was beautiful. I loved that.
Now we are bombarded with those once holy songs that have become tiny missiles of the constant reminder to BUY, BUY, BUY. That is the purpose of Christmas carols on the radio these days. They are meant to whip us into a frenzy of holiday insanity. Hate that!
Then there is the fact that starting early December I have to drive 10 miles out of my way to avoid any malls. Why? Because God forbid I would be near one when someone was on their way to purchase that giant screen TV that is on sale for only 24 hours. I might get run over just being in the vicinity. People need their electronics this time of year, especially if they are on sale.
Which also makes me completely sure that we have gone insane. We are actually killing ourselves to get up at 4 am on black Friday so that we can save $1000 on a TV. Some actually told me that he did this the other day. I was shocked. I wanted to say, “Would you like to help me save you another thousand and I’ll throw in your peace of mind for free?” DON’T buy that TV at all. Do you really need it?
But I’m pretty sure that come this time of year, my old fashioned, peace-loving values are the ones that would be seen as crazy, not getting up at 3 am to shell out a ton of credit, because we can be sure no one uses cash anymore. That is only for people who have truly gone out of their minds. A nostalgic reminder of days of old.
I am goddman F _ _ _ ing determinded to keep my peace of mind this time of year no matter what! See how riled up and angry I get? Just just thinking about it makes me irrritable, yikes! But honestly, I really have to push against this tidal wave of consumer insanity run rampant. Since the world has gone insane in these ways, I my try my best to do the opposite:
1. Since people become rude and agressive – I try to be kinder and extra thoughtful,
2. As consumerism runs amok – I try to simplify
3. When things get noiser and more hectic – I try to slow down, go inside and keep things quiet.
My Personal Goals for the Holy-Days are:
1. keep peace of mind and heart
2. be kind to others
3. do the opposite of what the world is doing
To do this I need to:
1. avoid all malls and large shopping areas whenever possible.
2. turn off the radio whenever the hyper commercials come on.
3. pray more than I usually do for the sanity of the world and for the strength to endure.
4. be kinder and more helpful to others than I normally strive to be.
5. do something completely different like go to a cabin in the woods and meditate for 4 days.
What about you? Are you ready for the Holy Days of Insanity to arrive? If you are reading this and going, – Yeh I’m totally caught up in the whirlwind, then maybe you want to stop right now and reevaluate.
But don’t worry about me. I’m completely outiftted to pass through these holidays noise and frenzy free. How about you? Let me know how you’re fare.
Yours in the spirit of happiness, holiness and love,
Annie
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