Rumors Are Stories That Stick

March 1, 2010

Great News - I’ve started writing a column for my local newspaper, the Chestnut Hill Local.  It is a wonderful paper that even my mother reads every week from Oklahoma!  My column will be called, “An Inspiring Change of Altitude,” and will be about inspiring shifts in thinking that are possible for a small but feisty town!  This is my second column.  Let me know what you think. It’s called:

RUMORS ARE STORIES THAT STICK

Rumor, definition: a statement or claim of questionable accuracy from no known reliable source, usually spread by word of mouth, an unverified account or explanation of events circulating from person to person.

Stories are very popular right now especially in the area of marketing and branding.  I’m not exactly sure why since they’ve been around for thousands of years but suddenly everyone is talking about them.  Rumors are stories that stick. What does this mean for our everyday lives?

Well if you think about it, a rumor is a story that you tell over and over again, whether you know it is true or not.  What a powerful thing.  What’s disconcerting though is that since rumors have such a powerful emotional energy, they tend to stick.  Why is that?

Think about it this way - did you ever watch a soap opera or a tele-drama?  When I was in college, a girlfriend lent me her TV while she was away for the summer.  She lent it to me on one condition - that I watch Dallas for her and keep her up to date on the story. 

I hated Dallas but I did it just for her.  The funny thing is that by the time she came back to claim her TV, I had gotten hooked on the show and  I didn’t want to let her have it back!  Those larger than life characters like JR Ewing and Sue Ellen, made those stories stick in my mind.

Don’t we have at least a few ‘characters’ like that here in our lives?  People that we’ve only heard about but never actually met?  People that  we are so curious to know about them that we just can’t help but cling to and share every little bit of story (i.e rumor) that we hear?   It’s no different than watching TV is it?  Don’t you hear people all the time talking about television characters as if they are real?  “Oh did you hear what so and so did on such and such a show?”  It’s very common.

Rumors are stories that stick because they are have real life emotion in them. They are interesting and satisfy that curiosity seeking part of our mind.  We can’t help ourselves.  We love a good story, especially  mini dramas - whether they are in real life or on TV.

So that said - what do we do with the negative power that stories and rumors have on our lives?  Think about it - whether we know it or not, our human lives are all intertwined, as if we are all in the same boat.  Let’s literally imagine that we are in one giant canoe traveling down the river together.   It’s like that in the sense that our personal and economic well-being is all linked together right?

So here we are in the same boat and there is a big JR Ewing type in the back.  Those of us who are in the front just can’t help ourselves.  We start out with just tiny twitters, “Oh did you see who’s in the back?”  Then it gets a little louder - “Did you know that he just bought a gigantic new property?”

Now we can’t stop ourselves - “What do you think he’s going to do with it?” which really means - how is what he’s doing going to affect us here in the front of the boat.

The answer is yes it will affect us.  We are all affected by each other in ways that are obvious or not so-obvious.  Take JR for example.  How do you think he’s going to feel if he hears us talking about him, which inevitably he will?  We think we’re not doing harm right?  We’re just curious or we tell ourselves that we are looking for information and wanting to understand.  All true.

But now put yourself in the back of the boat, be JR for a moment and consider just how it feels to be talked about in whispers.  Not good right?  For good or for bad - rumors are stories that are told about us.

We’re not involved in the communication and are hearing it from the outside, thus we have no direct participation.  That’s the part that makes a rumor deadly.  When we feel  cut off from other people, we feel like we’re unfairly picked on even when the rumor is not meant to hurt.

Even when we are curious or just seeking more information - telling stories about other people when they are not directly involved, does harm.

But here’s the cool thing and the point of change - we can just as easily spread “appreciative stories” - i.e. rumors that highlight a person’s greatness, not their weakness.  The more we do this the more we grow together.  Imagine what happens when we start circulating positive, inspiring stories about everyone in the boat.

Imagine just how much faster we are able to row to the shore through uplifting feedback rather than rumor.

Now I am NOT saying that we should never be honest or be real about things.  We need to tell the truth but these things are not mutually exclusive.  And appreciative feedback is not just some nice thing relegated only to those ‘touchy feeling’ types.

Believe it or not, positive feedback it is the single biggest thing that makes a difference in terms of human motivation.  That is what every great leader knows about making great people - to create greatness you first have to look for the greatness in others, then point it out to them since they often don’t see it themselves and finally pass it on and share it with others.

This is called a ‘positive feedback loop‘.  Yes there’s actually a name for it!  And it generates much more than the original story and lasts long after the story is done being told.

We are all in the same boat, heading to the same shore.  If we start today spreading stories of inspiration and goodness about each other, just imagine how quickly it can generate new energy.  We can do this.

Each of us can start today by sharing new stories.  We can also commit to being the of the end line for spreading stories don’t contribute to our well-being or success.  We’re all in this together.

Thanks for listening and please feel free to share….

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Stories From the Next World: Swimming Against the Tide

February 15, 2010

I must be doing it all wrong.  Everyone else is doing it one way and I am doing it the total opposite.  I must be a total failure. That’s what I told myself for many years in the area of marketing my business.

Recently I had a conversation with a colleague who is great at marketing, in fact he has a background in corporate sales.  He and I have similar training in NLP and Hypnosis and some years ago he went out on his own and created his own business.  He’s doing fine but he’s not really thriving.  His struggle is to get repeated clients.

But if you ask me (and no one did!), that’s not the real issue.  The real issue is that in all he’s doing he is missing a certain level of fulfillment.  We all get into the ‘people business’ because we want to help people.  Then we are given the dreaded mandate that we need to market ourselves. Eeek!  Every creative caring person hates this part. 

We didn’t get into business to be in business, we just happened to pick something which required it.

The irony is that even though he is the one with the marketing background and knows all the right ways to do things, I am in fact the one that is thriving.  Better than that though is that I am very fulfilled in what I do.   The money that keeps me afloat is wonderful but more vital than that is the happiness that I have.

I have nearly total fulfillment in my work.  That is the biggest value that my business provides me.  I love my clients, love what I do and am working with amazing people from all over the world.  How the hell did that happen? Me who didn’t have a clue about marketing myself and never wanted to do it either.

I have been swimming against the tide.

When the experts told me to:

1. Have a clear marketing and business plan - I couldn’t.
2. Create an exact target market of who I am selling my services to - Uh no, couldn’t do that either.  Isn’t it the whole world?
3. Get out and network myself with schmaltzy print materials and business cards - Nope, hated that.  I went to Starbucks instead.
   
4. Create a one line description of what I do that would totally grab people’s attention in under 10 seconds - Call me old-fashioned but I  stuck with regular old human conversation.
5. Package my work in a formulaic way that I could sell to businesses - I’d rather have Chinese water torture than do this.
6. yada
7. yada
8. yada
9. yada
10. yada

Anyway you get the idea.  I did it all wrong.  I did absolutely everything backwards from what the experts said I should do and much to my surprise - it worked!

Who are these experts anyway? Hmm, good question!  Well they are might be people who have tried to find a kind of generic formula so that everyone can win the game.  Not a bad idea by any means, many people do succeed this way.

But are they happy? The big question is - can we make money and have personal fulfillment too?  The answer is - we must.  This is just one of the values of the future - a “we can have it all” paradigm.

In the series that I am writing called, Stories From the Next World, I will be talking about the values of the next world - those values, traits and characteristics of greatness and bravery, that if we embody them now, we will be ahead of our time.

So trait number one is this - swim, swim, swim against the tide little fishes.  If the experts tell you to X, Y, Z but you feel in your gut to Q, S and LL then you must.  You need to have the courage to swim against the current of the world that says that there is a right way and a wrong way to do things.

Swimming upstream is definitely hazardous.  You have to be able to tolerate feeling alone, thinking you’re a failure, have people point out what you’re certainly doing wrong and feeling utterly confused.

But for me I just did it from instinct because I could never tolerate having business ’success’ at the expense of my personal freedom or fulfillment.  No go Joe! At the end of the day, I want to be happy AND peaceful.

The world of the future will not be a world of either or - either I am rich or I am happy.  The value of the next world is that it has to be both!

Stay tuned for more in the series of Stories From the Next World and please tune in to my weekly Radio 42 Show where I’ll be sharing more of these stories and secrets of the Universe as well.  You wouldn’t want to miss those!

Yours in swimming against the tide that was going in the wrong direction anyway,

Annie

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Corey’s Story Journey: The Pain of Remembering

December 4, 2009

Today, on my call with Annie and Katie, we focused on my experience with the first business book I wrote with a client.  I talked about the joyous process we experienced putting the book together. This will be presented in more detail in my own book, but I’ll summarize here that the process was almost completely pain free.

Our client was an absolute pleasure to work with.  She knew what she wanted and she was willing to engage expert storytellers to guide her through the building of a book that took readers on a ride of what it was like to work with her.  We had a ball.

When the book was complete, we began focusing on getting the book published and that’s when the world pushed back.  Agents and publishers had been telling me that they were looking for something innovative, something fresh, and that’s certainly what we had created.  And those who were reading the book were loving it. So what was the problem?

The problem was that we were tackling new ground.  We had created an intimate journey of change that needed to be placed in the business section.  And while others before us like Patrick Lencioni had used story in the business section, none had done it with the intimacy we had.  There was no proven track record that this would sell and so we were turned down left and right.

Then we came across a group described as an “entrepreneurial publisher” and my client and I flew out to talk with their CEO.  We were sold on their ability to mass distribute while leaving a good percentage of the ownership with us.  She wrote a check to go through their book design and layout phase to prepare the book for publishing and we returned home excited to get our book out.

As time moved on, they seemed to be incredibly disorganized.  We learned that the woman in charge of our book, was a college intern, and when we cornered the CEO into a follow-up call, he made more promises that he never backed up.

We were not seeing the results we were promised and the process felt rude and disrespectful. We had some tough decisions to make.  This process played out over months and months until my client nearly had to litigate to get the rights to her book back.  The result of this battle was that what was once beautiful (the process and the outcome of the book) was now tarnished.  It had been dirtied by deceit and it was painful and it was sad.  My client certainly didn’t deserve this and I hated feeling she had been taken advantage of and that I hadn’t been able to prevent it.

I had almost passed by the opportunity to include this story in my book, because the pain and sadness associated with it are so strong. I am proud that I used the experience to create a better publishing model for our clients. One that I continually try to improve so that it respects what my clients go through personally, and values the vulnerability they have offered up to the world. But overall I am left with sadness.

I am confident that one day, someone will take a risk on one of the three narrative business books we have written.  And when that happens, I hope to say that the sadness was just part of the journey.

Annie’s Note: This was a beautiful story to hear.  Corey’s fierce determination to make something better out of a difficult and painful situation is very touching and powerful.  We can all learn resilience and tenacity for change from this.

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Corey’s Story Journey: Fierceness

November 30, 2009

My big take away from today was an attribute that I have recently labeled about myself as impatience, but that my story guide Annie Hart redirected this morning as fierceness.

As my business is growing and our authors and company are gaining more popularity, more and more people are contacting me to help them with their branding.

That has created a serious bottleneck for me, because it often translates into hours each week of free consultation, where I’m having to describe the reality of what it takes to make a brand successful to people who have rose colored glasses on about the process.  Constantly being pulled away to have those conversations frustrates me, because I have so much work to do not only for our clients, but for our employees.

The lack of patience increases when I’m on the phone with someone who is looking at this industry from the idealistic perspective of a child. Hollywood has trained most people to believe that if you have a great idea, it’s worth a fortune.

I used to sit in on workshops where agents and managers and producers would tell writers to never pay anyone to help them with their careers.  “Hollywood should be paying you.”  But Hollywood opens its doors to only .00001% of those people.  So what does everyone else do?  In the eyes of those producers, agents and managers, they should spend their time trying to be part of that .00001%.  THAT’S ABSURD!

Everyone has a story worth telling.  Everyone has many stories worth telling.  I am cursed with that knowledge.  I am cursed with knowing that our storytelling process is life changing for the people who tell their stories.  And yet, I have to decide who we’re going to work with.  I have to turn people away from that opportunity if they come to me with those rose colored glasses on.

I felt bad about being impatient.  But I feel good about being fierce.  This world needs change and change does not happen until we choose to see the world for what it is.  When we take off those rose glasses, we leave the realm of the idealistic child and we begin to play in the arena of the powerful adult who can impact others.  So forgive me if I come across as impatient…what I’m really doing is pushing to find the bravest of people who will go to battle for their cause.

Annie’s note: This is a wonderful grounded perspective on business.  It’s difficult to be caring for everyone’s story but realistic about what it will take at the same time.  Corey is blazing a trail of fierce commitment to the genuine product.

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Outstanding People Stories: Meet Chuck Hester

November 9, 2009

In the world of online marketing and networking what I don’t need is one more sales pitch - the all-too-common, “Hey, I have a great offer for you” greeting that many people on the social networks use makes me want to recycle my lunch.

That’s why I was delighted when I read the refreshing new book by Chuck Hester.  In all 54 pages of his tiny treasure, he never once tried to sell me anything!  He didn’t even try to sell me the book because I found out about it through my reliable mentor Bea Fields.

So friends, I’d like you to meet wonderful human being Chuck Hester.  Chuck is changing the dynamics in online social networking with his pay it forward approach to connecting.

Chuck’s book, “Linking In To Pay It Forward” with the byline, “this is not your Daddy’s business book,” shares Chuck’s unique approach to creating a social network by asking the simple question, “How can I be of service to you?”

It’s a small enjoyable book that I read in an evening.  But what is most outstanding about the book is not so much what Chuck says, but his philosophy to life and business.  Believe it or not folks, Chuck actually believes in sharing with people in the online business world, not to get, but to give.

I’m not just talking about that kind of ‘let me pretend to give you something so I can really get something from you’ mentality.  You know the one I’m talking about?

That’s not Chuck.  No.  When I read his book I could feel that he is genuine.  I was so happy to find this philosophy that I reached out and emailed Chuck the very next morning.  He says in the back of his book to please contact him and after reading his book, so I did.

Chuck wrote me right back with a lovely note and we struck up the beginning of a genuine connection.  I love that!

Chuck is definitely making a difference in the world with his philosophy.   He applies the concept of paying it forward, which means to do good things for others without expecting anything in return.  As a master networker, he uses this in the world of social networking and he’s had amazing results.

In a world where it seems that everyone is out to get something, Chucks pay it forward philosophy stands out in the crowd.  I believe that this is the wave of the future and it can’t be faked.  You’ve got to truly mean it and I believe Chuck does.

Chuck and his wife Stephanie have hosted Linkedin Live Raleigh, a networking event that regularly attracts more than 350 professionals and helps others to pay it forward in person.  It’s obvious that people really want and need the power of genuine human connection.

He has a wonderful blog, the Pay It Forward Chronicles where he shares his stories of paying it forward.  Chuck has generated a network of 9,500 contacts on LinkedIn alone and whenever he goes to a new city, he often meets one of his LinkedIn contacts in person.  He helps us to see that it truly is a small and connected world.

Chuck thank you for the difference you are making in the world of social media.  You bring back the heart and humanness which we all need.

I hope you will join Chuck and I on my Radio Show next Friday, November 20th at 12:30 pm EST at www.blogtalkradio.com/inspiringchangethroughstory.

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Dare to Stand Out in the Crowd

November 5, 2009

As a wise sage (me) once said,
“If You Want to Be the Best, You’ve Got to Stand Out From the Rest.”

Let me ask you this - do you want to be liked or do you want to make a difference in the world? Do you want to be one of the crowd or do you want to stand out and be exceptional? Guess what? You can’t do both.

Nope.  To stand out from the crowd you have to risk, dare to be unique, be vulnerable and feel alone at times. But what’s the alternative? To be bland, boring, average, mediocre, middle of the road and like all the rest? Again as that wise sage says, “If you want to be the best, you have to stand out from the rest!”

So if that’s what we want, why don’t we dare to stand out? To answer that I’ll have to tell you a little story about Mr. Lizard. Mr. Lizard loves lounging in the sun, sleeping, eating and chasing flies, but that’s about it. He’s not seeking to do big things in the world, change the status quo or be different than any of the other lizards right. No, he’s seeking to be the same and do the same.  Same old, same old.

If I go up and grab Mr. Lizard by the tail, hang him over a cliff and ask him if he’d like to learn to fly - his wriggling, quivering body will shout NO with every ounce of his being!

Mr. Lizard does not want to learn to fly, ever. He likes to lounge.  Only a fool would drop Mr. Lizard off that cliff and imagine that he will fly. He won’t. Mr. Lizard cannot fly  because he does not have any wings and I don’t think he’s going to sprout them any time soon.

So that is our lizard brain. Stuck in it’s ways, likes to stay the same, fears change, is scared of flying and oh did I mention that it does not want us to stand out in the crowd? To a lizard being different means sure death. “Do not be different. Be the same.” That is the message of our lizard brain. Don’t be mad at Mr. Lizard.  He evolved a long time ago.

In short Mr. Lizard illustrates why we don’t dare to stand out in the crowd and be different.  We want to take risks but we don’t because it threatens our status quo.  Whenever we fear change of any kind it’s because Mr. Lizard has got his finger on the control panel of our brain.  So what should we do?

Let me tell you another story. Imagine that you have a beautiful baby parrot from the rain forest.  Now take that baby parrot and try desperately to keep it on the ground. Use nice language and speak to it politely.  Explain in great detail why it’s not in it’s best interests to fly and that it’s better to stay on the ground.

Is the parrot going to listen? No. He may hear your words but he’s not going to follow your directions because the instincts in his body are telling him to lift off into the skies. Oops, there he goes, just lost him. Well maybe he’ll be back.

The instincts of our higher brain, the one is the most evolved and sits on the top of our heads, is to soar.  Our higher brain loves to dream, see the bigger picture and stand out from the crowd. The higher brain is comfortable with difference and in facts even seeks it out.

A flying creature like the parrot is not content to stay on the ground like all the herd animals. He likes to fly and soar above the rest. That’s our higher brain.

So when we’re stuck and unable to move forward with what we really want there is only one problem and only one solution. We’ve got to get Mr. Lizards little paw off the control panel and put our high flying parrot in charge instead.

How do we do that? Well one way  is to be willing to tolerate the discomfort and fear of loss.  Anytime you dare to to stand out in the crowd and be different, you are going to come across your fear of not being liked and not being part of the herd. Eeek! Mr. Lizard hates this part.

Be kind to him. He can’t help himself. Don’t try to shut him up and definitely don’t put him in a closet somewhere. He’ll die. Just let him rant a bit as you go ahead and move towards what you really want.  And what you really want is to dare to stand out and make a difference in the world.

In other words, face the fear of your lizard brain. Know that it feels strong but it can be overridden. Mission, passion and personal desire for making a difference are much stronger than fear. Mr. Lizard may scream, but he will eventually come along. He’s a better solider than he is a the leader.

But you are a leader, leading the way for others in whatever you’re doing that.  Know that when you dare to stand out in the crowd and be unique, you truly make a difference in the world.

Today follow that wise sage’s advice and “Dare To Stand Out.”

I’m Annie Hart and I help leaders and big thinkers to stand out in the crowd and make a difference in the world.

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Cut the Crap & Dare To Be Yourself

October 29, 2009

Schmaltz: Yiddish, shmalts -  literally, rendered fat

In my humble but large opinion there is too much schmaltziness in this world and not enough realness.  So many people are trying too hard to be experts and guru’s.  They are trying to stand out in the crowd and be known, but that is exactly what will make you obsolete very quickly.

Schmaltizness is not what we need now.  We live in a world in which time is is speeding up.  What we need is not to follow the crowd and do what we’ve always done, but to stand out in the crowd and dare to do doing something different.

Let this begin with you.  Dare to take off the mask that you wear because you fear won’t like you if you are yourself.  The truth is that many people won’t like you no matter what you do.  So give that up as your goal and work instead to be genuine.

Try this in your conversations, your blog posts, even your marketing materials.  Yes I’m suggesting that you cut the crap and dare to be real.

Honestly, it’s not easy.  The brain and nervous system are wired with a deeply ingrained circuitry that being different will get us killed.  The archaic part of the brain perceives difference as a life or death matter.  It’s part of the ancient law of the tribe.  So to live a full, real life, you have to override that ancient impulse and go in the direction of real life.  That is where all the meaning and the juice are anyway.

Be aware that when you begin to do this you may feel scared.  You will feel scared in the beginning, scared all the way through and maybe even afterwards.  But this is normal.  Think of the experience of a roller coaster ride.  Personally I feel fear the entire way through.  But that doesn’t have to stop you.  You’ve got to BE FIERCE to cut through the crap. It doesn’t come easily.

But consider the benefits of really truly, genuinely being yourself.  Here are a few of mine, please let me know about yours:

Benefits of Daring To Cut The Crap and Be Yourself:

1. You make genuine honest connections with people.
2. People come to love you for who you are.
3. Those that don’t will naturally drift away and that is good.
4. You will be happier and sleep more easily because genuineness is good for your peace of mind.

Today I had an inspiring conversation with my fellow Trainer and Coach, Eva Reiff of Nurnberg, Germany.  Eva and I have coached each other every week for over eight years, amazing!

We support and encourage each other to continue to live big and dare to do things that seem scary, uncomfortable or even impossible.  And together we have gone much further than we ever imagined.

After our talk today Eva sent me this beautiful note:

I am so amazed at how you have decided to cut through the crap and just be raw and real in the world. I admire your courage to lead the way and to follow what you sense the world needs. You care about real connections, and you use that as a filter to everything. You are ahead of your time.

Today be fierce in your intent to be honest, real, vulnerable, scared, on-the-edge.  Dare to be yourself and live out of the box.  You will be glad you did.  And besides, you have nothing to lost but your schmaltz, which I’m pretty sure you’d like to give up anyway!

Let this be your motto:
I am willing to cut the crap and dare to be myself!

Let me know how it goes.

Oh and by the way, I dare to tell stories raw and real because I’m pretty sure that’s what the world needs.

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Video of the Week, Storytelling is the Game

June 28, 2009

According to branding guru Gary Vaynerchuck, storytelling is the name of the game. He believes it is the most underrated thing when it comes to business and yet it is everything when trying to convey emotion and attachment to your brand and in todays world. Gary says, “Folks, a press release is JUST not gonna CUT IT!

My thoughts exactly.  I love this guy! 

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The Power of Story to Build Trust and Credibility

May 8, 2009

Today I was interviewed on a blogtalk radio show with my fellow Book Yourself Solid coach Davender Gupta.  Davender is a wonderful host who listens very well and asks very good questions.

I really enjoyed talking with him about the power of Storytelling to build trust and credibility with your marketing and networking.  I told him the story of going to a local business meeting several months ago to give a talk.

It was a meeting in which the majority of people did not know me and also most of them didn’t know I was coming!  So basically I was walking in the door with 0% credibility!  But fortunately with my trainer’s mind, I had thought this through well in advance.

I knew that if I went there and did the typical thing, which would be to talk about myself, that I would actually lose credibility in under 1 minute.  I knew that no one would believe that I was an expert in anything and that no matter what I said, I could not convince them of that.

Unless I told about my expertise in the form of a story, which I did.  I carefully crafted a series of stories about ‘my amazing mentors’, people who are doing life changing things in the world.  I believed that by assumption, if these people were my mentors, that it would imply that I might worth my salt.

I never said a word about who I was or what exactly I do.  I just talked about extraordinary people achieving extraordinary results.  And I asked them who they wanted to be in their community - like everyone else believing in the negative ecomomy or like the other great thinkers that have come before us?

The entire room resounded with their desire to create extraordinary results.

The entire talk took about 12 minutes.  Afterwards I was flooded with people wanting my card!  And it was only then that they found out who I am and what I do.

The power of story to develop trust and credibility is nearly instantaneous and it’s results continue to ripple out over time.

I’ve continued to see members of the community around town and they are still commenting on that 12 minute talk.  I’ve been invited to several other events and to be on several committees.  In all the years of being great at what I do, no one ever understood it this quickly….until I used the power of story to create a memorable impression.

You can too!  If you’d like to listen to our radio show you can download it at: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/bookyourselfsolid

Thanks Coach Davender, I know you’re going to be out there sharing great stories very soon!

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