Good News Story: I May Be Getting Married
October 20, 2009
Good news folks, I may be getting married. I know that may seem sudden for those of you who have been reading my blog because only a month ago I was sobbing into my hankie about a painful breakup. So I imagine you’re wondering who this potential groom is and how I met him so quickly?
The answer is that I have known him for over twenty-five years. I met my wonderful Alberto in October of 1984 in Portland, Oregon, while I was studying Italian in college and he was visiting the US with some friends.
Just to clarify, Alberto are not getting married not out of love, but out of, how should I say it - sheer desperation. That sounds reasonable doesn’t it? Too many people get married for love and then when it goes awry, it’s a big mess. Although Alberto and I care for each other,we would not actually choose each other to marry.
But at age 50 we are finally getting smart. We made a pact many years ago, that if we were still single at fifty, we would marry each other. We were only kidding. It sounded funny back then. We never actually believed that either of us would still be single. But here we are. What to do now but follow through right?
I asked him today, “Alberto would you have every thought when we met twenty-five years ago, that we’d still both be single today?” He said, “Annie at least you were married once. I’ve never even done that.” I told him to hurry up and marry someone, so at least he’d have that milestone under his belt.
Now for the practicalities of all of this. For this idea is nothing if not practical. I asked him if I should get ready for the wedding and he said, Si preparati, which means Yes make preparations. So then I asked What kind of dress would you imagine me in - a long one or a short one?
I needed to have a practical sense of what I’ll be wearing. See everything about this is very practical. I want you to notice this because love has always been something that has had a lot of emotion and very little practicality. I want to make sure that you see how much I have grown and how mature I am.
Alberto imagined me in a short dress, very short he said. I did too. Not because that would normally be my style, but because at age fifty, we need to rev things up a bit. I told him that I’d probably wear four inch heels that are so high he’d have to carry me. He said something incomprehensible in Italian about this.
Alberto and I have a great love and respect for each other, but we are not getting married for love or respect. We are desperate and that’s that. We are doing this so we can both sleep at night knowing that we won’t be alone in the world.
Where will we live?, I asked. Anywhere but my town (in Italy) or your town (in the US), he said. Maybe we could go to Morocco (his idea) or Costa Rica (my idea)? We decided that we would live anywhere, but where we are now.
So that’s it folks, I may be having a big adventure in my future. Since I have known Alberto for twenty-five years I’m pretty sure that there won’t be too many surprises. We’re already clear that we can’t actually live together. We’ll just be married, not actually stay in the same house.
Here is a list of Alberto’s worst traits:
1. He’s really stubborn.
2. He’s really hard headed.
3. He’s obstinate.
4. He’s really stubborn. Oh I already said that.
Great thing is they happen to coincide with my worst traits which are:
- I’m really stubborn.
- I’m hard headed.
- I’m obstinate.
- I always know best.
That is why I know we are absolutely the best choice for each other. Or at least in this case, we’re possibly the only choice for each other. Well, like I said, at least we won’t end up alone. We’ve got that covered.
Let me know your vote - should Alberto and I marry or not?
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My Stories Raw & Real: Why I Don’t Want To Tell My Stories
October 2, 2009
If you think it’s easy to tell your own stories raw & real, let me assure you that it’s not. There are many reasons why we don’t want to tell the truth. One is because people don’t really want to hear it. When you tell the truth, sometimes people can’t handle it, or they shut down, or go away, or judge you.
That hurts and it doesn’t make you want to open up and tell your story. But even though I’m personally aware that this is the risk in telling them, I feel compelled to do so anyway.
As I’ve said a few times, my twenty one year old niece is pushing me to do so. She insists that I shouldn’t feel embarrassed by these stories, in fact she said so bluntly. “Annie, why should you feel ashamed for what a man has done? If anything it’s his problem, and not about you.”
While that is true and it’s logical that I shouldn’t feel embarrassed or ashamed, the truth is that I do. I feel embarrassed because they are my stories, not someone else’s. They are my very own personal Pandora’s box and I must now open it to reveal the truth.
But do I want to? No, not really. Why would I wnat to do this? Why would anyone want to do this? We need to tell these stories because the rawest, most vulnerable stories hold the most life energy. By the way if you read the myth of Pandora, here is what you find out:
According to the myth, Pandora had been given a large jar and instruction by Zeus to keep it closed, but she had also been given the gift of curiosity and ultimately opened it. When she opened it, all of the evils, ills, diseases, and burdensome labor that mankind had not known previously, escaped from the jar, but it is said, that at the very bottom of her box, there lay hope.
Isn’t that amazing? Open the box to all the evils of the world and there at the bottom lies hope. This is why we must tell our stories, the stories we least want to tell. The mystics say that inside of everything of darkness, there are sparks of light just waiting to be released. Inside is Light that can be shared with the world.
Imagine what happens when we don’t tell these stories. What happens when we don’t have the courage to share that which has been most dark and painful to us? We are literally hiding the light. Light that could be made available to everyone.
Do I want to be that selfish? No. I must break through my own fear, trepidation and emabarrasment and dare to release the light that is inside of these stories. I must liberate the life force that is just waiting to be released into the world.
Thank God Pandora opened that box. What if she had listened to the voices of fear and kept it closed? Yes it unleashed all manner of evil into the world , but we obviously needed to learn how to deal with that. We need to unleash the power of story in our lives and dare to trust the Hope that wants to come out into the world.
Today dare to tell your story and be sure to listen for the stories of others. Make them feel comfortable to tell their real stories. You never know what Light you can bring into the world.
Yours in story, Annie
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Dating Over Fifty, It’s A Jungle Out There
September 29, 2009
I don’t mean to scare you folks but if you’re single and over fifty - IT’S A JUNGLE OUT THERE!
I’m trying not to be paranoid about it. I’m just trying to be real. Dating is a pretty scary endeavor at this age, let’s face it. Somehow the rules have changed from when I was twenty five and no one let me know about it.
Dating at fifty feels more like buying a used car from one of those tacky car salesmen, than shopping at Tiffany’s. And though I’m not really sure what to do about it, whenever I’m in doubt about anything, I tell stories.
So here is another Raw & Real Story about the realities of dating when you’re over fifty. After reading this, you’ll either be really really happy that you’re already married or you’ll want to join a convent or the priesthood if you’re single.
Just kidding. Keep the hope folks. No matter what we must stay open to love, even if the pickin’s are very slim.
So I was having dinner the other night with my niece Devon, her boyfriend Mitchell and my former brother-in-law Jim. Jim was telling us stories about his adventures in dating or not-dating as the case may be. Jim is filing suit with his doctor for negligence in a medical case and he had to call the office to talk to the receptionist and it seems like somewhere along the way, she developed a big crush on him. 
When he finally met her in person, she happens to weigh over 300 pounds. Now I’m not trying to be a weightist here but that is well outside of the normal range. She also has several children who sound like derelicts and an ex-husband who is a former drug addict? I know it sounds like I’m being very judgemental here but I’m pretty sure you would have been thinking the exact same thing if you’d heard the story. To make matters worse, she texts him every day saying things like “Good morning, I hope you’re having a good day!”
Eeek! I wanted to say, “Run Jim run!” But then I got to thinking about my own experiences with dating and realized that mine haven’t been much better. So who am I to tell him what to do? Besides he can’t really cut off contact with her because he needs her to help him get his medical records. So what is a man to do but just receive those strange text messages and do the best with what life is sending his way? There’s no perfect situation after fifty. If he gets ready to marry her however, I will take a stand. My nieces are at stake at that point.
So what are we to do about this crazy world of dating over fifty? I don’t want to say that the pickins are slim, but they really are. Some might believe that anyone who is left unmarried at this point, has a very good reason for being single.
Part of me believes this and has actual evidence to prove it. But part of me doesn’t want to believe it because my own future is at stake. If I believe that the only cars available at this point are the used ones with damage that’s been painted over, then I’m probably not going very far down the road of life right? And if it really is true, then I might as well just head on over to the nunnery right now.
No I’m not going to do that. I’m not going to give in to fear or cynicism just because all the evidence is pointing in this direction. In fact I’m going to do exactly the opposite and line up some dates for myself right now. So here are my picks for this week. Let me know what you think. Don’t just base your choices on appearance though. Looks are deceiving and both of these men are obviously very charming and dashing. See if you can see deeper than that though. Then go ahead and vote.
Put your votes in now for my date of the week:
Will it be Date #1 the Wholesale Shoe Salesman?
Or Date #2 the Former Mr Italian Universe??
It’s a tough choice isn’t it?
But I’m going to leave the choosing up to you. You tell me who to date and why you picked him and I promise to give you the full story of our date raw and real.
Well let’s review our lessons:
- If you’re married, be grateful
- If you’re single, well….get ready.
I hope you’re enjoying the raw and real stories. This is the way life really is and since somebody ought to tell the truth, it might as well be me.
Yours in story,
Annie
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Featured Video - The Best Dating Advice
September 29, 2009
Now this is the kind of dating advice that I love. Leave it to a Texas football coach to give us the kind of down home advice that we all need. Enjoy!
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My Story Raw & Real: I’m Doing Great
September 22, 2009
I am doing great. I am whole and intact. I got exactly the kind of loving care that I needed from many different sources and I am doing amazingly well. I have never gotten over anything like this so quickly in my life and this is a wonderful gift to me. I had the realization for me that nothing can do me permanent harm. It’s almost like I have a force-field of love around my life.
I feel very blessed. This painful situation has given me the opportunity to really cherish and appreciate the beautiful people in my life. Remember my friend on the bicycle? Well he called today and asked me how I was doing and I was happy to tell him that I am doing great. I’ve never been able to say that before, so soon after something painful happened. This is a real gift to me.
I am getting ready to go on a trip to Oklahoma to see my family. This is the trip “Mr Former” and I were going to go on together. He was going to meet my family. I could be sad about that, but I’m not. I’m actually very happy. 
I’m happy to see my family and have a fun time in their small Oklahoma town. We are going to the homecoming parade and I get to wear a big fat tacky mum - woo-hoo! I sure hope mine is not nearly as big as the one in the picture! But I don’t care if it is. I’m going to have a great time no matter what. I’m celebrating my new life.
I am alive and intact and a situation that once would have taken me years to get over, has been restored in only a few weeks. I went to see my spiritual director last week and she is going to help me with my book. I also met with my new writing partner and we began our first write together. I’m moving forward and setting my sails in new directions.
And believe it or not I am open to love again. I have to admit that when this happened, I could feel the doors of my heart want to snap shut and rust. But I refused to let that happen. I know that the biggest challenge one can have is to keep your heart open when it hurts the most.
But my heart is open and I am determined to be even more loving, more kind and more caring to the people in my life. I don’t know why this happened or why I had to have yet another painful relationship ending, but I am determined to continue to tell these stories, raw and real. The stories that have shaped my life and shaped my heart.
Yours in story,
Annie
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My Story Raw & Real: A Spontaneous Healing
September 16, 2009
Today I had a healing insight that turned a corner for me.
Many years ago, I conferred a judgement upon myself that I was not smart in the area of relationship choices.
Because I’d had so many relationships that ended poorly, I decided that it must be my fault. Now when I say decided, I don’t mean that I sat down and said to myself, “Hey Annie, let’s make this your fault.” Judgements occur on an unconscious level, often out of our awareness.
I however have known for awhile that I had this judgement upon myself, but I haven’t really had a way to remove it. The irony is that if I had someone like me who does the work that I do, I could easily remove it. This is the work that I do with others.
Today, while I was doing some hypnosis with a client for her relationship issues, I suddenly heard myself say in my head, “I need a me.” What I meant by that was that if I could do for myself what I was doing for her, then I would be freed of this nagging self-judgement.
So I just said to myself, well why don’t I just let my own unconscious mind absorb all the healing that I’m sharing with her. So while my words were going towards her, I let myself get into a state of mind, so that they could soak into me as well.
I’ve never done this before, nor was this a technique that I was ever taught in any of my training. It’s just something that occurred to me spontaneously in the moment. I just imagined these words going into my own memory banks.
I had no idea what happened, nor did I even think something would. But about an hour later I was in my closet changing into my yoga clothes when I had a spontaneous thought that had never occurred to me before. I asked myself this question, “If you had known at the beginning of the relationship what you knew at the end, would you have chosen that person?” The answer was a clear no.
Then I asked myself, “Well then how can you blame yourself for what you didn’t know?” And that’s when it came to me clear as a bell, that I couldn’t know what I knew I knew it! Get it? :>)
I instantly felt a peace come over me body and knew that something had released. 
Wow, I had no idea that my creative little idea could produce such healing. But I’m sure it has. I’m hopeful that this will allow me now to move on to greener pastures. I feel ready for that.
It’s been a wonderful week of sharing my stories with you. And very soon I’m going to have a new blog just dedicated to the raw and real side of life.
If you’re enjoying these stories, or any others from my blog, feel free to sign up for my email updates. Click here for more information on how to do that. May some spontaneous healing come your way today.
Yours in story,
Annie
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My Story Raw & Real, Part 1
September 8, 2009
I’ve been holding back. I’ve been holding back that I’m really hurting, in pain and having a hard time. It’s not like me to be fake, but I’ve been struggling to open up and be raw and real about my life. But I must.
I must because there is nothing more important than having an open heart and that includes admitting when life is painful.
As Joanna Macy says, the heart that breaks open, holds the whole world. I aspire to that so it’s time to admit the truth.
So what happened is that I had this wonderful new relationship and it ended. I had really high hopes for this one. We were really right for each other in many ways. We were writing a series of love stories together and I believed every word that he said and every word that he wrote. The sad part is that his words were true.
Just because someone leaves doesn’t mean they are a fake. People try to convince me to be angry or this or that, but I can’t. It’s not his fault. Blame does not take me to a higher spiritual plane. It keeps me stuck on a level that I don’t want to live on.
I LOVED him and that is that. Get it? I loved. I loved despite my fears, my vulnerabilities, my trepidation and my past. I opened myself to love despite how terrified I was for something like this to happen.
And that’s the irony. Because this has happened to me so often, I actually tried to avoid it. The lesson is that you cannot. You cannot avoid pain without avoiding life itself. It doesn’t work.
It’s like the time I went on the flying trapeze. I was terrified and even though I had a rope holding my body, that didn’t seem to register to my mind at all. It was the same thing here. I was terrified to enter a relationship again because I’ve had so many end. Every one that I’ve had hope for has ended up in tatters.
Did I want that to happen again? Absolutely not! But what was I going to do? Live in a shoebox and never come out? NO. You can’t avoid life.
I am committed to loving despite the many obstacles. One might think I should give up. But I won’t. I’m committed to living a bigger love than most people even think possible. Let me tell you why most people never get to that wide open love land. Because it hurts when you open your heart that wide and then suddenly you’re left out all alone in the field.
But honestly I don’t believe that life is worth living without this kind of open hearted love. It does hurt, I can’t lie about that, but I don’t regret what I did. I loved him and that will remain registered somewhere inside of him forever. Maybe on his death bed he’ll suddenly smile and remember that he was cared for after all. It’s worth the pain. I can’t believe I’m saying that, but it is.
I need to be gutsy, have courage and dare to tell the truth. Here is my first step. It took me a whole week to write about this openly, but that’s ok. It was hard to admit the truth. I wanted to be all put back together nice and neat in only a few days, but I’m not. Today I wept for an hour while my friend Leslie body hugged me, made me tea and handed me tissues. I needed that.
I have needed all of the love and care that my friends have given me. My buddy Jim called from church the other day in response to my S.O.S. He said he could feel it at a distance. He called again tonight and made me laugh. He told me to write these stories, “Annie Hart Raw & Real” and to allow myself to grieve and get out and dance - get it out of my body. He was right. My friends know what I need.
My friend L.T was the one who encouraged me to write. He who most struggles with admitting his own emotions, told me that I should be naked and raw. I knew that coming from him it was like the word of God itself, so I got off the phone and started writing.
He said to me, “Annie nothing has changed about you. You are still the same Annie that you were a week ago and if you were to be given the choice, you would love again.”
He’s right. I would. That’s just who I am. I live for love and I stand for love. Even when it hurts.
Other friends have really been there for me to. Without them, I’d be a puddle on the floor. I feel really loved and cared for even though I’m hurting. I am really blessed and thank god for my friends.
So thank you to Leslie, Loren, Mary Ellen, Eva, Doug, Angela, Jim, Pam and my family. You have been the difference in this situation. You didn’t judge me in another failed attempt at human love on planet earth.
So here’s what I am going to do. I am going to turn this pain into something beautiful and life-giving. I will do that by writing openly and sharing it with the world. I am always there for others to listen to their stories. My clients and friends pour out their pain and I never judge them. So why am I judging myself and holding my own back? Because being raw and exposed feels scary. But nonetheless, I’m revealing myself now. I must.
Because if you think that I am all perfect and put together like a perfect china cup, then you will never be able to admit your own pain and thus never heal. I can’t do that to you. So I must start with being real myself.
This is my fi
rst in a series of stories, dedicated to all who dare to love on planet earth despite the numerous obstacles.
I am going to keep my heart open despite the pain. So here is Story #1 of “Annie Hart Raw and Real”. Let me know what you think. And feel free to share your heart. I promise to hold it gently.
Yours in story,
Annie
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