How To Stay Hope-Full in Hope-Less Times
March 18, 2010
Hope =
Hope is belief in a positive outcome related to events and circumstances in one’s life. Hope is the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best.
Yesterday I got a call from a twenty three year old girl. The first thing she said to me was, “I just don’t want to live anymore. Life is so full of pain and so is the world.”
I know exactly what she means.
These are particularly dark times. We living in a dark age, one that has been predicted for thousands of years.
In times like these it’s easy to feel hope-less, but inside of every challenge is a hidden opportunity. These times challenge us to dig down under the layers of life and find our inner resources of strength and resiliency. These are skills that we need anyway but difficult times give us the opportunity to find them.
So how do we have optimism and resilience in these most challenging times?
To weather these times, we need to put on the hat of the optimist. An optimist is someone who believes in the inherent goodness in people and situations. It’s a way of seeing the world through knowing that all situations work out for the best in the end.
That doesn’t mean that we ignore events or situations around us. It’s not a head in the sand kind of optimism.
It is optimism based on the inherent goodness of life.
So how can we have this kind of optimistic faith when everything seems so bleak at times? The answer is we must. Optimism is not based on what we see, but based on what we know to be true about life itself. If we don’t have a basic unshakable faith in life itself, then we are going to be in big trouble during times like these.
If you don’t have it now, then start building this for yourself. Really dig down under the layers and ask yourself what is life really all about at it’s core. Is it good? Is it bad? Is it neither? Is it both?
This is the perfect time to find your faith and belief in life because if you don’t have that, you don’t have anything.
Dark times call for unshakable belief and optimism in the inherent goodness of life. They challenge us to the nth degree because they test us to dig down to our foundation and hold firm to that which is unshakable.
We can do it. We can seize the opportunity that these times have to offer us. To be happy, kind and hope-full about life in the midst of challenge is the greatest gift that we can give to ourselves and the world around us.
Today find that which is unshakable in you. Grab hold and hold firm.
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Complain Complain - Which Train for Your Brain?
March 16, 2010
Complain complain, which train for your brain? That’s a nice little rhyme to say - which way do you want your thinking to go? Today, tomorrow and always.
Lately I feel like I’ve been hearing a lot of complaining. Here are some of the recent complaints I’ve heard in random order with my comments included:
- “Oh I hate the snow and wish it was spring.“ Wait a minute, isn’t it supposed to snow in the winter or am I confused?
- “I hate technology and wish it would go away” - You can hate it but it ain’t going away. I used to hate it too but that doesn’t help. In fact if you notice carefully that ‘horrible technology is actually providing the very link for you to read this.
- A general life is so hard - Yes life today is really hard. I am in total agreement of that and yet we have untapped resources inside of us that can be generated in times. So what is our focus? Life is hard or I am resilient?
Now I’m not saying that these isn’t a lot of reason to complain. We live in particularly difficult times, but the point is this - what really changes by complaining about it?
You already know the answer - nothing, nada, niente. Three different ways to say a big fat NOTHING.
Nothing changes when we complain. Well that’s not exactly true. A lot of changes happen but not the ones that we really want.
Here’s what does change when you complain:
- your heart rate excelerates
- your blood pressure goes up
- your mood dampens
- your depression meter just shot through the roof.
So my question to you (and myself) is - are those the changes that you want? If the answer is a big fat NO then here’s what to do instead.
- Feel your complaint whatever it is. First step is to ‘hear’ it and feel it inside. Then say to yourself - What can I do about it?
- Sometimes there is nothing to do about the complaint. Sometimes it’s more about - What else can I focus on that is good, beautiful and right here now?
- Be kind to others. This sounds strange and out of left field. How does being kind to others relate to not complaining. Well when you are kind and caring to others guess where your focus is? Not on yourself! Ah, that’s anti-complaining at it’s best. So ask yourself - Who needs me right now and who can I help.
In short, we can use ALL of the things that feel screwed up in our lives to make a better world. In fact that is our only chance for happiness.
There is absolutely no fixing this world. It is as it is and we must adapt. Not in a negative way but towards our greatness.
Today see how you can retrain your brain and get on the A-train towards happiness, fulfillment and dare I say it - joy!
Ah, now that wasn’t so hard was it? Get out there and share yourself today - love people, do more, be silent and witness the beauty of life going by.
Yours in getting on the right train,
Annie
p.s just so you know - I’m taking my own advice on this as well!
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Video - Grumpy Gatekeeper
March 14, 2010
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How Fairy Tales Really End
March 13, 2010
I couldn’t resist this one - a hilarious story in pictures!
Cinderella
Red Riding Hood
Snow White
Sleeping Beauty
Jasmin (Aladin)
Belle (Beauty and the Beast
The Little Mermaid
I guess the moral of this story is life is not a Fairy Tale!
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Video: Chocolate is a Vegetable
March 7, 2010
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Rumors Are Stories That Stick
March 3, 2010
Rumor, definition: a statement or claim of questionable accuracy from no known reliable source, usually spread by word of mouth, an unverified account or explanation of events circulating from person to person.
Stories are very popular right now especially in the area of marketing and branding. I’m not exactly sure why since they’ve been around for thousands of years but suddenly everyone is talking about them. Rumors are stories that stick. What does this mean for our everyday lives?
Well if you think about it, a rumor is a story that you tell over and over again, whether you know it is true or not. What a powerful thing. What’s disconcerting though is that since rumors have such a powerful emotional energy, they tend to stick. Why is that?
Think about it this way - did you ever watch a soap opera or a tele-drama? When I was in college, a girlfriend lent me her TV while she was away for the summer. She lent it to me on one condition - that I watch Dallas for her and keep her up to date on the story. 
I hated Dallas but I did it just for her. The funny thing is that by the time she came back to claim her TV, I had gotten hooked on the show and I didn’t want to let her have it back! Those larger than life characters like JR Ewing and Sue Ellen, made those stories stick in my mind.
Don’t we have at least a few ‘characters’ like that here in our lives? People that we’ve only heard about but never actually met? People that we are so curious to know about them that we just can’t help but cling to and share every little bit of story (i.e rumor) that we hear? It’s no different than watching TV is it? Don’t you hear people all the time talking about television characters as if they are real? “Oh did you hear what so and so did on such and such a show?” It’s very common.
Rumors are stories that stick because they are have real life emotion in them. They are interesting and satisfy that curiosity seeking part of our mind. We can’t help ourselves. We love a good story, especially mini dramas - whether they are in real life or on TV.
So that said - what do we do with the negative power that stories and rumors have on our lives? Think about it - whether we know it or not, our human lives are all intertwined, as if we are all in the same boat. Let’s literally imagine that we are in one giant canoe traveling down the river together. It’s like that in the sense that our personal and economic well-being is all linked together right?
So here we are in the same boat and there is a big JR Ewing type in the back. Those of us who are in the front just can’t help ourselves. We start out with just tiny twitters, “Oh did you see who’s in the back?” Then it gets a little louder - “Did you know that he just bought a gigantic new property?”
Now we can’t stop ourselves - “What do you think he’s going to do with it?” which really means - how is what he’s doing going to affect us here in the front of the boat.
The answer is yes it will affect us. We are all affected by each other in ways that are obvious or not so-obvious. Take JR for example. How do you think he’s going to feel if he hears us talking about him, which inevitably he will? We think we’re not doing harm right? We’re just curious or we tell ourselves that we are looking for information and wanting to understand. All true.
But now put yourself in the back of the boat, be JR for a moment and consider just how it feels to be talked about in whispers. Not good right? For good or for bad - rumors are stories that are told about us.
We’re not involved in the communication and are hearing it from the outside, thus we have no direct participation. That’s the part that makes a rumor deadly. When we feel cut off from other people, we feel like we’re unfairly picked on even when the rumor is not meant to hurt.
Even when we are curious or just seeking more information - telling stories about other people when they are not directly involved, does harm.
But here’s the cool thing and the point of change - we can just as easily spread “appreciative stories” - i.e. rumors that highlight a person’s greatness, not their weakness. The more we do this the more we grow together. Imagine what happens when we start circulating positive, inspiring stories about everyone in the boat.
Imagine just how much faster we are able to row to the shore through uplifting feedback rather than rumor.
Now I am NOT saying that we should never be honest or be real about things. We need to tell the truth but these things are not mutually exclusive. And appreciative feedback is not just some nice thing relegated only to those ‘touchy feeling’ types.
Believe it or not, positive feedback it is the single biggest thing that makes a difference in terms of human motivation. That is what every great leader knows about making great people - to create greatness you first have to look for the greatness in others, then point it out to them since they often don’t see it themselves and finally pass it on and share it with others.
This is called a ‘positive feedback loop‘. Yes there’s actually a name for it! And it generates much more than the original story and lasts long after the story is done being told.
We are all in the same boat, heading to the same shore. If we start today spreading stories of inspiration and goodness about each other, just imagine how quickly it can generate new energy. We can do this.
Each of us can start today by sharing new stories. We can also commit to being the of the end line for spreading stories don’t contribute to our well-being or success. We’re all in this together.
Thanks for listening and please feel free to share….
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The Storyteller Tells Her Stories
February 20, 2010
It’s time to take a leap. Every now and then in your life, more often then I’d like, it’s time to take a deeper plunge, a bigger risk and really go for the gold. So I am going to be writing and telling my own very personal and sometimes painful stories for the very first time.
Whew! Breathe.
It’s not easy! I make it look and seem easy for other people, that’s my gift. But damn it is really hard to do for myself. Luckily I have found just the right team as it honestly takes a team to pull these stories out of me. They don’t want to come out on their own.
These stories are like little long-fingered underwater creatures who are gripping onto the rocks so they don’t have to let go. Eeeeeek!
Why is it so scary to tell personal stories? Very personal stories.
Gosh, I could give you a long list of the reasons that it’s so scary. It seems silly to say but it actually feels life threatening to a part of us. Telling our stories is a way out of the box that we have lived in. We are bound by the emotions, the memories and the meanings of our past stories and thus like the famous Pandora’s box, we must liberate them.
Fortunately as I said, I have just the right team - I have my wonderful reliable weekly writing buddy whom I meet weekly at the local Barnes and Noble coffee shop so we can write together. We’ve been doing this for some months now.
In case you’d want to know my reason for meeting there - it’s because they have sunshine streaming in the windows (I need to feel warm), great Earl Grey tea (I need to have good tea) and a bag of delicious potato chips doesn’t hurt.
Basically it’s a good way to bribe myself to keep on going doing something that is hard!
Then I have my fabulous listening buddy who is helping me tell the stories orally. Written stories and orally told stories are two very different animals and so I know from my own story guiding of others, that the deeper, more painful and often more powerful stories need to be ‘listened out of you.’
My story Maestro listens to me very carefully. He is impeccable in his listening, which is what I really need. He does not trod on my heart nor make those kinds of comments afterwards that make you wish you’d never told your story. He wears a white velvet glove of purity that makes the telling easy.
To be impeccable in your listening you have to be out of your out of your own way - be really silent and really present.
But here is the best part of all. He also makes me laugh while I’m crying! Yesterday was a perfect example.
Yesterday as I was telling a difficult story (and blowing my nose through the telling), I suddenly heard an indescribable noise, a kind of ‘crkkkkrrrrrr‘ sound. Hmm, what was that???
He didn’t say anything about it and I heard him make an ‘uh huh‘ sound like he was listening, so I just carried on.
A minute later I couldn’t hear him, so I asked, “Are you there Chief?” (that’s one of my nicknames for him). Then there was the sound of scramble, scramble, scramble and then he says, “Yes I’m here. I just kicked the microphone over.” Perfect timing!
It was perfect timing. I started laughing so loudly that my crying and snorting turned into guffawing. It was a priceless moment.
Perfect for the storyteller to be paused mid-sob for a moment of sheer humor. My impeccable listener, who was working so hard to be there for me knocked over his microphone and was trying to retrieve it without interrupting.
I am still laughing just picturing him trying to rebound without disrupting my story. What a riot!
These are the precious moments of storytelling. In that moment I realized that it’s not just the telling of the story that is important, but every thing beautiful that surrounds it - the bonding that happens between two humans as they listen and share and the moments of pure delight when real life magic happens and humor appears out of nowhere.
This is the true magic of storytelling.
I am pr
oud, honored, scared and delighted to be telling my own raw and real stories. The deep ones, the raw ones, the ones that matter. If I can’t lead the way on then I’m not worth my metal.
Gotta leap, gotta take a dive.
Thanks to all my partners for supporting me. It takes a community to tell a story. I’d still be on the ledge without you. Thanks as well to all of my blog readers for caring about stories and storytelling. You make all the difference.
Stay tuned for more of the raw and real, the places we dive deep together and make life more fulfilling from taking risks.
Yours in diving into the heart of the matter and laughing about it all the way,
Annie
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Miracle Pants Story Part 2: “Fashion Fore-Warned”
February 8, 2010
I have very disappointing news folks. For those of you that read my story about the Miracle Pants my mother wanted to send - heartbreaking news is that they don’t come in my size!
I can hear you all shrieking, “OH NO,” right now as I did when I called the company and found out that even though they have petites, they don’t have a size 4 which is what I’d need. They begin at a size 8. I guess they don’t consider that fashion forward women like me can be tiny and on the cutting fashion edge at the same time. Bummer!
This means that a lot of my Miracle Pants plans have to change. Here’s where I won’t be able to do wearing my Miracle Pants:
- I won’t be wearing them to my niece’s college graduation, complete with high heeled lavender pumps. *She is thrilled about this.
- I won’t be co-staring in the next Charlies Angels movie with my flame proof Miracle Pants. I guess they are going to have to find someone else.
- I won’t be trekking the Great Wall of China in my hiking boots and Miracle Pants. I’m sure this would have been a first.
- And saddest of all is that on my next date, whenever that is, I will not be flirting with the love of my life in my Miracle Pants. (sob, sob, sob)
I know you’re all saddened to the core about this but don’t let it get you down. The good news is that if you’re a size 8 or larger, petite or otherwise - YOU can get the Miracle Pants. Just email me and I will personally send you an autographed copy of the ad and you can be well on your way to Miracle Pant heaven.
Before I end this sad story however, I know there are a few things that you were wondering about. You are certainly dying to know which colors I was going to order?? I had picked out sensible black, vibrant violent, charming turquoise and little bunny pink. All wonderful colors don’t you think?
You are probably also wondering, as my niece was when she said, “Annie what the heck are you going to do in these pants?” “Sweetie,” I answered, “I am going to go on dates, fly to Paris, walk down the street and wear them to your graduation.”
She was horrified by all of the above options. But as I said, unfortunately none of these Miracle Pant adventures will come to fruition, now or ever. (Sob, sob). Excuse me I’ve got to go get a tissue…..
Here’s the last thing you were wondering - what else could I have used these pants for? Well here are some comments from my loyal blog readers about the pants:
“Chuck Norris couldn’t rip those pants.”
“I bet they ward off wild animals and vampires too.”
“You are so funny! I’m still laughing. I could use some miracle pants! Pink and purple would be nice. People will see me coming when I ask them to volunteer.”
Well folks in lieu of wearing the miracle pants, I guess I’ll have to be adventurous in another way.
You’ve been fashion fore-warned. Today go out and get yourself a pair of flame proof pants and live a little dangerously!
Yours in always sharing a side of life that is better kept hidden,
Annie
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Featured Video - Life is Like a Cup of Coffee
January 25, 2010
Simple and wonderful message.
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Why We Need to Dare to Tell Stories Raw & Real
January 12, 2010
I have several new clients lately that are all seeking to get to the heart of something beautiful raw and real inside of themselves - to be able to tell their stories in an open, honest and vulnerable format.
So you might wonder - why is it so hard?
It honestly is. They are not just making it up. It seems ludicrous in one sense that you actually have to go to someone to help them tell your story. Why can’t you just blurt it out?
What is so hard about it anyway?
But here’s the thing - it actually is hard. These folks coming to me to tell their stories are coming because they are brave human beings. They feel the call deep down inside and they just know that they have to articulate, express or share something with the world and that they need some help, structure or support to do that.
These folks are the smart ones who instinctively know that it is nearly impossible to tell these stories on your own. It is because people in our world don’t really want to hear the truth. If you don’t believe me just try this experiment…
Next time you are somewhere and someone you barely know asks you how you are. Stop. Pause. Look them in the eye and tell them the honest to god, real and vulnerable truth.
“Well now that you asked, actually I’m having a few money problems, my back is a bit aching from too much yoga, my boyfriend just left me and my dog is sick….and….and….and….”
Don’t bother to finish because the sentence because they are are already gone. If they haven’t walked physically away, trust me they’ve gone away inside.
A few months ago when I wrote my Raw & Real Stories about a painful relationship breakup, I actually experienced this. Someone inquired about how I was doing and though I’m not a person that just spills out my personal life to everyone, I started to honestly tell her the truth. I thought she really wanted to know. But as soon as I started, I saw her physically backing up so I stopped.
People aren’t prepared to know the painful truth! Ouch. It brings up the pain in them. So when you craft a story of your own, first you need to get it out raw and real. You need someone to listen to you carefully, not to judge and definitely not to back away no matter what you say.
The message that I need to send people when I listen is - “I’m here, I’m not going anywhere and I won’t back away no matter how hard it gets.” You can do it too.
That is really powerful. Imagine just how life changing that one message can be - I’m here, I’m not going away.
If you remember or read my Raw and Real stories, there was one in which my friend Leslie came running towards me and body hugged me. That was just the message I needed - a big real hug that said, “I’m not going away.”
So that is why people don’t dare to tell their stories raw and real - because they fear that no one will be there when then are done, that everyone will go away because the painful truth is too awful. It’s not.
Today send this message to everyone in your life - I’m here, I’m not going away and I will listen no matter how hard it gets. Story-telling is life changing for this reason. It’s not about entertainment, it’s the deepest form of life change there is.
When we change our stories, we change the world.
Today dare to tell yours raw and real and encourage others to tell theirs too. You’ll notice how much closer you feel, how much more love and vitality is in your life.
Today don’t back away from pain but go right to the juicy heart of what’s real.
Yours in sharing stories that make a difference in the world,
Annie
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