Why We Need to Dare to Tell Stories Raw & Real
January 12, 2010
I have several new clients lately that are all seeking to get to the heart of something beautiful raw and real inside of themselves – to be able to tell their stories in an open, honest and vulnerable format.
So you might wonder – why is it so hard?
It honestly is. They are not just making it up. It seems ludicrous in one sense that you actually have to go to someone to help them tell your story. Why can’t you just blurt it out?
What is so hard about it anyway?
But here’s the thing – it actually is hard. These folks coming to me to tell their stories are coming because they are brave human beings. They feel the call deep down inside and they just know that they have to articulate, express or share something with the world and that they need some help, structure or support to do that.
These folks are the smart ones who instinctively know that it is nearly impossible to tell these stories on your own. It is because people in our world don’t really want to hear the truth. If you don’t believe me just try this experiment…
Next time you are somewhere and someone you barely know asks you how you are. Stop. Pause. Look them in the eye and tell them the honest to god, real and vulnerable truth.
“Well now that you asked, actually I’m having a few money problems, my back is a bit aching from too much yoga, my boyfriend just left me and my dog is sick….and….and….and….”
Don’t bother to finish because the sentence because they are are already gone. If they haven’t walked physically away, trust me they’ve gone away inside.
A few months ago when I was going through a difficult time, I actually experienced this. Someone inquired about how I was doing and though I’m not a person that just spills out my personal life to everyone, I started to honestly tell her the truth. I thought she really wanted to know. But as soon as I started, I saw her physically backing up so I stopped.
People aren’t prepared to know the painful truth! Ouch. It brings up the pain in them. So when you craft a story of your own, first you need to get it out raw and real. You need someone to listen to you carefully, not to judge and definitely not to back away no matter what you say.
The message that I need to send people when I listen is - “I’m here, I’m not going anywhere and I won’t back away no matter how hard it gets.” You can do it too.
That is really powerful. Imagine just how life changing that one message can be – I’m here, I’m not going away.
If you remember or read my Raw and Real stories, there was one in which my friend Leslie came running towards me and body hugged me. That was just the message I needed – a big real hug that said, “I’m not going away.”
So that is why people don’t dare to tell their stories raw and real – because they fear that no one will be there when then are done, that everyone will go away because the painful truth is too awful. It’s not.
Today send this message to everyone in your life – I’m here, I’m not going away and I will listen no matter how hard it gets. Story-telling is life changing for this reason. It’s not about entertainment, it’s the deepest form of life change there is.
When we change our stories, we change the world.
Today dare to tell yours raw and real and encourage others to tell theirs too. You’ll notice how much closer you feel, how much more love and vitality is in your life.
Today don’t back away from pain but go right to the juicy heart of what’s real.
Yours in sharing stories that make a difference in the world,
Annie
The True Power of Vulnerability
October 14, 2009
Telling stories raw and real requires an open and vulnerable heart. That is not an easy thing especially in a culture that tells us we must be strong and where vulnerability is often seen more as a weakness than as a strength.
Years ago when I was doing Heartwork training in business settings. The men would almost always say to me, “I can’t use my more tender feelings because then I’ll lose my edge.” What they meant was that they believed that if they accessed any of the ‘softer’ feelings of the heart, than they would lose their masculine strength.
I was reminded of this the other day when I was having a very frustrating conversation with my colleague Jim. He is a great guy in every way but as he says himself, sometimes he’s thinking from ‘his man place’ and I feel like he can’t hear what I’m saying at all.
I was trying to tell him that telling these stories raw and real is very difficult. Even though I have been doing it for years, I am currently diving into stories that are harder to tell and I’m finding myself very challenged. I want to run away and hide in a cave rather than tell these more vulnerable stories! 
Jim was not getting my point. He kept trying to tell me that everyone loves hearing these kinds of stories. I assured him that they do not. He said that people love to hear how you’ve overcome a challenge. I agree. But what if you haven’t overcome the challenge? What if you never overcome it?
Let me give you the example of a client of mine whom I love. I have worked with her for many years through the ups and downs of her life. She has two wonderful children, one of whom has had a serious medical problem since birth.
Recently she was giving a talk at a conference and she was nervous about telling her stories. Her stories are very raw, real and personal to her. They are stories in which she she has struggled but not necessarily overcome. One of the biggest differences between stories of true vulnerability is that we don’t necessarily come out looking like a hero or heroine. This is what I realized after my conversation with Jim.
It is one thing to tell those stories in which we look big and strong. In our heroic culture, we are completely revered for that. But how about the stories in which we feel pitiful, small and woefully human? Are we able to tell these stories unadorned and still stand up tall?
Are we able to tell stories in which we don’t have all the answers, don’t have it all figured out and don’t have the solution? What about the tragedies that make absolutely no sense to us? Must we gussy up these stories just so they are fit to tell?
I encouraged my client to tell her stories raw and real and to put her focus on making a connection with the audience, rather than looking good. She liked that idea. She is a very genuine and loving person and she wanted to connect with people. It also took the pressure off of her to perform. She realized that she could just tell the stories from her own real human heart.
She came back today and reported great success. People really connected to her stories and she felt natural and comfortable telling them. “Annie,” she said, “I realize that I just need to keep opening up and sharing vulnerably.” That’s the key.
Our stories are our stories. The are precious, raw and real, just like our own human hearts.
And by the way, the men that I trained in Heartwork, always got a dose of the science of the heart. What they learned is that there is a whole body of scientific evidence that shows that the power of strength in the human body is generated from the qualities of love and care in the heart.
And my buddy Jim? He’ll get what I’m saying. He always does. As a matter of fact, I hear the phone ringing right now, that’s probably him….
So today dare to tell your story unadorned and trust the power of vulnerability to create true strength and connection.
Raw & Real Stories: Letting Them Out of the Box
October 2, 2009
If you think it’s easy to tell your own stories raw & real, let me assure you that it’s not. There are many reasons why we don’t want to tell the truth. One is because people don’t really want to hear it. When you tell the truth, sometimes people can’t handle it, or they shut down, or go away, or judge you.
That hurts and it doesn’t make you want to open up and tell your story. But even though I’m personally aware that this is the risk in telling them, I feel compelled to do so anyway.
I feel compelled because underneath of my fear, I know that there is beauty and gold in these stories. They are nothing to be embarrassed of or ashamed about, though the world would have us believe that way.
While that is true and it’s logical that we shouldn’t feel embarrassed or ashamed about our stories, the truth is that we often do. We feel embarrassed because they are our own personal stories, not someone elses. They are our very own personal Pandora’s box which must be opened to reveal the truth.
But why would you want to do this? We need to tell these stories because the rawest, most vulnerable stories hold the most life energy. By the way if you read the myth of Pandora, here is what you find out:
According to the myth, Pandora had been given a large jar and instruction by Zeus to keep it closed, but she had also been given the gift of curiosity and ultimately opened it. When she opened it, all of the evils, ills, diseases, and burdensome labor that mankind had not known previously, escaped from the jar, but it is said, that at the very bottom of her box, there lay hope.
Isn’t that amazing? Open the box to all the evils of the world and there at the bottom lies hope. This is why we must tell our stories, the stories we least want to tell. The mystics say that inside of everything of darkness, there are sparks of light just waiting to be released. Inside is Light that can be shared with the world.
Imagine what happens when we don’t tell these stories. What happens when we don’t have the courage to share that which has been most dark and painful to us? We are literally hiding the light. Light that could be made available to everyone.
So that means that if I want to share with the world, I must break through my own fear, trepidation and emabarrassment and dare to release the light that is inside of these stories. I must liberate the life force that is just waiting to be released into the world.
Thank God Pandora opened that box. What if she had listened to the voices of fear and kept it closed? Yes it unleashed all manner of evil into the world , but we obviously needed to learn how to deal with that. We need to unleash the power of story in our lives and dare to trust the Hope that wants to come out into the world.
Today dare to tell your story and be sure to listen for the stories of others. Make them feel comfortable to tell their real stories. You never know what Light you can bring into the world.
Yours in story, Annie
My Story Raw & Real – We Can’t Avoid Life
September 11, 2009
So here’s the lesson coming in loud and clear – We can’t avoid life!
It’s easy to hide, it’s easy to stay in our shell and it’s easy to make other people the source of our problems, but they are not. I’m saying this because part of my old shell has just been cracked open and it was really painful.
It always is, but that doesn’t mean anything is wrong. That is the part that is hardest to understand about these moments.
People have asked me a few times, “Did you see it coming?” It meaning the end of my relationship. That’s an interesting question. Hmm, did I see IT coming? Possibly. But how do you really know what is coming? That’s the hard part.
The hard part was that I was actually trying to avoid this exact pain. I was trying to avoid the pain of getting connected to someone again and then have them leave. I was trying to avoid that because I’ve experienced it many times before and I have some idea that I shouldn’t experience it again.
Note that I say ‘idea’ that I shouldn’t experience it. This means that we really don’t understand life at all. How do I know what I’m meant to experience? I don’t. So did I see it coming? Yes I’ve always seen it coming. But the real question is – Was I meant to avoid it? Was I meant to step out of the way? Or is this exactly what life was meant to bring me? Exactly this and nothing different.
I was cracked open and now what do you see? You see an open egg. That’s exactly the point. Life wanted to open me, but because we are wired to avoid pain, we don’t open easily or willingly, so life needs to crack us open.
Mother nature herself is creator and destroyer. But here’s the beauty – I am alive. And now what you see inside of me is raw and real, just like the soft inside of the egg. I am alive and doing really well. I wouldn’t change a thing about what happened. I needed to learn something and experience something. My prayer every day is that I learn whatever it is and then I take it out to help others.
I have dedicated an entire week to writing these stories raw and real. I hope you’ll stay with me on the journey and I hope that they touch and inspire you. Please feel free to comment on the blog.
Yours in story,
Annie
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